The Truth About Love
by MissCar
Summary: After losing his chance at happily ever after, Pike has made it his mission to rewrite Starfleet's outdated policies to make sure that doesn't happen again, including the one about children in space. Spock sees this as his chance to do his part for the repopulation efforts. The idea terrifies Jim. Somebody already made that choice for the couple. Follow up to YDHTBMBF K/S, U/M, A/C
1. Incendiary Devices of the Emotional Kind

Title: The Truth About Love

Original working Title: You Don't Have to be My Family.

Follow-up to the Series: You Don't Have to be my Boyfriend

Also A trekpod story

The overall song for the story is Pink's The Truth About Love

There are also going to be songs for each chapter. Sometimes more than one.

Sequel to the story: The Road to Delta Vega is Paved with Good Intentions

Summary: Love is the most powerful force in any universe. It can save a life or destroy a planet. It's complicated and messy. This is a love story about all the different types of love from romantic to familial and everything in between.

Because he lost his chance of a happily ever after with his first true love, Christopher Pike has made it his mission to rewrite Starfleet's outdated policies to make sure that doesn't happen again. This includes the policies about children in space. Spock sees this as his chance to have a family and do his part for the repopulation efforts, especially in light of the pressure from his T'Pau. The idea terrifies Jim the more it becomes a real possibility. Considering his fucked up childhood, no one really blames him. However, somebody already made that choice for the couple.

All things considered, Amanda is successfully adjusting to life after the death of her husband. She is still a member of the Vulcan Council and the Vulcan representative to the Federation. She is a wonderful mother to her two adopted daughters, and she has made great friends on earth including Christopher. (Really, he's just a friend.) They have bonded over their mutual loss. Then suddenly she becomes the victim of someone else's love of power.

Professionally, Nyota is at the top years before she expected it. Personally, she's still dodging calls from her father and doesn't do anything harder than a one night stand, even if a part of her really wants too. But unexpected circumstances are going to force her to deal with these issues head on.

Setting: This takes place about 3 ½ years after an AU version of the first film. Below are some of the differences and a few reminders:

1. Jim and Spock were together before Nero

2. Spock was the one who changed the Kobayashi Maru and was put on trial by his academic rival.

3. Spock and Nyota were never together like that but she had a massive crush on him.

4. Nyota was responsible for getting Jim on the ship.

5. Amanda survived Vulcan's destruction because she was already on earth for a surprise visit to meet her son's new boyfriend, her husband did not.

6. More Vulcans survived the initial attack

7. Spock does not send Jim to Delta Vega but his former boyfriend 'Cupcake' did.

8. Said ex-boyfriend is the one strangled on the bridge and Nyota is the one to incapacitate Spock via 'sanity in a hypo'. Before the incident happened Spock had a very deep conversation with his human side named 'Marshall'

9. Winona was murdered by Frank, thus triggering Jim's lost year before Pike knocked some sense into him or at least that's what happened according to Jim.

10. Pike was more upset about losing his 'number one' then losing his ability to walk.

11. In this universe Spock was the one who slept with Carol

survived and is making everything very interesting.

If you're confused, feel free to PM me.

If you haven't read the story in forever I suggest rereading the first chapter, the last chapter, and Gone.

Don't feel bad, I had to reread my own story.

**Relationships:**

The only thing I'm guaranteeing is K/S.

I have some surprises in store and I want to wait for the next chapter until I reveal the possibilities.

**Rating:** M for violence, language, and sexual situations.

This story is going to start M and stay that way

**Warning: The last section depicts the aftermath of a very violent situation. Details are kept to a minimum. However, in light of recent events in Connecticut, I want to provide adequate warning.**

**Music for this chapter: **

Love the way you lie by Eminem

Sad by Maroom 5

_Wonderin if I really_

_Tried everything I could_

_Not knowing if I should_

_Try a little a harder_

_Oh but I'm scared to death_

_That there may not be_

_Another one like this_

Timebomb by Pink

_Screw fear, it's contagious_

_Infecting everything_

_It makes me do such stupid, stupid stuff_

_I say things I never mean_

* * *

**Chapter 1: Incendiary Devices of the Emotional Kind.**

**October 2261**

Tonight was her 29th birthday and things were good. She was the Chief Communication Officer of Enterprise and if she wanted it she knew she could be the youngest female captain in Starfleet history. But she didn't want it. She enjoyed where she was. She was appreciated and had good friends who were always there for her. This is what Nyota wanted.

Okay maybe she wanted a best friend who didn't think getting extremely drunk when you have bridge duty in the morning was a good thing. Unfortunately, Gaila and Jim thought vast quantities of alcohol was necessary to enjoy her birthday cake. Although, this was an improvement over her 26th birthday involving everybody seeing the video file of her singing _Fuck You_ after she realized that the guy she has been lusting after for the last year was completely in love with someone else. Fortunately, having to knock the guy unconscious to keep him from murdering his ex will help you get over a crush quickly. Now she can watch Jim try to stick his hand down Spock's pants at her birthday party without getting nauseous. Actually, she can survive being their neighbor in spite of extremely thin walls. Jim was a really good friend and so was Spock. She likes seeing the two together. It gives her hope.

Personally, she thinks they were using her birthday as an excuse to get wasted or do inappropriate things. Apparently, there was enough alcohol involved to convince her and several others to play the high school adolescent standard truth or dare. They were mostly playing because apparently Spock and Chekov had never played before. She personally didn't want to because it reminded her of the first and last game she played with her sister Ivy. It was some weird icebreaker to get to know each other and it did not go all that well.

So far, Spock had to admit that he had a crush on Admiral Pike, Sulu had to send a love letter to a certain personal assistant that had a crush on him, and a drunk Gaila dared Jim to convince Spock to have sex in her bathroom as the party continued. (Nyota chose not to mention that this would not be the first time something like that happened in their shared bathroom because she didn't want something worse to be suggested.) Apparently there was enough chocolate in the cake to make Spock very susceptible to the suggestion. Everybody could hear what was going on in her bathroom. When Jim started screaming 'oh fuck, harder." everybody knows only one thing could possibly be going on in there. She will be spraying down the whole place. At least, this time she knows not to walk in there under any circumstance.

"I didn't think he would do it." Gaila said slightly surprised. Nyota repressed the urge to laugh.

"It must be the alcohol." Sulu mumbled under his breath. Again, she didn't have the heart to tell anybody that Jim had actually been drinking Virgin drinks all night.

"It's best if we just ignore it. They could be a while. Can we just move on so I can leave soon?" Leonard complained.

"Fine, since you are so eager, truth or dare?" Nyota asked.

"Because I am already queasy at the thought of whatever is going on in the bathroom, I'll take truth." It took her a moment to decide what question to ask.

"Why did your ex-wife leave you?" She has wanted to ask him that several times over the last three years but every time his ex was mentioned the subject was changed quickly. Since she was too drunk to realize that probably wasn't the best thing to ask, she did it anyway, but not without adding, "Unlike most of the guys I know, you are not a dick. I just don't understand it. I actually like you." If she were sober Nyota probably would not have said that.

"She didn't." Nyota blinked at that. "I left her."

"But you were miserable after it. I remember you from the shuttle," she whispered, hoping that no one else was really paying attention.

"Glad to know I made an impression," Leonard said sarcastically.

"You got sick on my shoes. You delayed our shuttle from taking off by 20 minutes because you hid in the bathroom and you stayed drunk the entire time."

"I was like that because the soulless monster took everything from me including my daughter, but I'm the one who ended it. I had to," he said, taking another drink.

"Did she cheat on you?" Nyota asked.

"You know, not everyone is like your former boyfriend. I think I was truthful enough for one turn," Leonard said avoiding her question. "It's your turn."

"Because I don't want to risk contracting an STI, I'm going to go with truth too," she said after a moment. He almost looked disappointed.

"Why did you throw away the birthday gift that your father sent you?" Dammit, why did he have to ask her that question? How did he know about that? Only Jim was with her at the time.

"I have to be on duty tomorrow. I think it's time to call it a night." After knowing her for nearly 5 years, her former roommate knew it was best to get everybody out when she said that. However, the one person that didn't leave was Leonard.

"You know, you didn't have to end the party just because you did not want to answer my question," Leonard drawled.

"I really do have to deal with the young and incompetent in the morning," she said as an excuse.

"That's every day," he joked.

"You do not need to stay." That is when a string of expletives in Vulcan could be heard from the bathroom. Unfortunately, she knew exactly what dirty thing Spock was asking his husband to do. Her cheeks were hot just at the thought

"I'm not going to leave you here alone with those two going at it like horny teenagers."

"I'm used to it," she said sadly. "Usually, they are not this loud."

"How long do you think they will be in there?" he asked after a moment.

"It could be hours," she said, knowing from unfortunate personal experience. She loves having the first officer room but hates sharing a bathroom with the other two.

"I think I'm going to need more alcohol," she said, grabbing a shot glass from the table. Leonard joined her.

"I'm right there with you. I promise to actually take care of your hangover in the morning," he said, taking a drink before pausing. "Why did you throw away your gift from your father?" Leonard asked again. "I know you guys don't have a good relationship, but I didn't think it was that bad."

"It is that bad. I'll tell you mine, if you tell me why your marriage fell apart. I need a distraction from the sounds going on next door." She wondered what she had to do to get soundproofing.

"I think the entire ship can hear what's going on," Leonard quipped before getting serious.

"My relationship with my ex was never good. It was always volatile. I kept telling myself every time we got together that it was the last time, but then the birth control failed and I just had to be a southern gentleman. A shotgun wedding is never the best way to begin a marriage, but I love my little girl. Things got worse when the ball and chain started law school."

"How so?" she asked, intrigued. She wanted to know why her friend was the way he was.

"The only school that would take her was in middle of nowhere Iowa. I ended up doing 20 hour shifts at the local ER and the arguing just got worse. I started finding solace in a bottle." His words were broken.

"You still find solace in a bottle," she quipped.

"Not like back then. We were headed to a bad place. I don't think I knew how bad it was until I started treating this woman, I will just refer to as W." His voice was low and sad.

"I'm assuming that's not her real name?" Nyota asked.

"No, I can't give you that. She was a smart woman and ex-Starfleet. W was a regular Computer genius engineer who happen to marry a piece of shit that liked to beat the hell out of her. I can never understand why such a smart woman ended up with such an asshole." His words were bitter.

"Because we are too caught up in looking for Prince charming to realize that he's just a frog," Nyota said sadly.

"This woman had her Prince charming and he died on a mission. She then married some idiot on the rebound. She finally got the hell out of there when her oldest son went missing, although the bastard claims at the time that he just ran away. W. was convinced he had something to do with it. She had to flee the planet just to get away from the bastard." He paused to take another drink.

"So what happened?" she asked. For some reason this story seemed vaguely familiar to her. Then again a smart woman getting beat up by her husband seemed to be a little too normal.

"When her youngest goes off to college, she moves back to the old family farm. Said ex-husband comes around looking for her, claiming that he's changed. She falls for this story. Things are good until she starts becoming his punching bag again and she ends up in my ER on a regular basis. Fuck, I am going to need the bottle for this," he said, grabbing said bottle from the center of the table and taking back a swig.

"It kept getting worse each time she showed up in my ER. He broke her jaw twice. Crack ribs were the norm. It's a miracle he did not puncture her lungs. By that point, we were both convinced that the only way she was getting out was in a body bag." Now that reminded her of a very long conversation she had with Jim about what happened to his mother.

"Why didn't she leave?" she asked.

"She did, she just had to do it in a body bag."

"That doesn't make sense. You can't really leave if your already dead," she said as her eyes started to fill with hot tears.

"Remember during Spock's nervous breakdown, when I told you I knew how to make someone appear dead?"

"What did you do?" she asked, confused.

"I helped her get out," he said simply, not offering any details. "After that I just couldn't let things keep going the way they were. It wasn't good for my daughter. It definitely wasn't good for my liver. So I went back home and packed a bag and left. Being the vindictive bitch that she is, the harpy managed to use the whole thing to her advantage and got everything from me but my bones." She didn't know what to say to that. Her only reaction was to hug him.

"You did the right thing," she said, holding on to him. She could actually feel his breath on her neck. It made her skin tingle.

"It doesn't always feel that way. At least, the custody situation is better now and I get the occasional e-mail. Maybe if Pike is successful next week, I will have other options. Lord knows Joanna would be better off on this deathtrap then with her absentee mother who sees her as some sort of trophy," he said, looking directly at her.

"I think you would be happier," she said in a whisper. His lips were mere millimeters from hers at that point. The distance was starting to close, until she heard a loud crash from the bathroom, followed by the sounds of rushing water. She also saw her BFF run out of the bathroom hard and with his pants around his ankles. Despite the fact that Jim and Spock managed to break the sink she was glad. It would be a bad thing if she kissed one of her friends, even if she was drunk at the time. It would be horrible even if a tiny part of her mind wished that she did.

* * *

Admiral Christopher Pike sat in his normal place among his peers at a meeting that he didn't expect to ever take place. They were finally going to discuss restructuring Starfleet's ridiculous family policies. He only wished this was done years ago. He wished his number one was here to see this. He wished he had challenged this before, then maybe she would be alive and they would be together. Instead, she is gone and he gets to sit at the big table trying to make sure that the next generation of Starfleet do not have the same regrets he does. Much of the top brass was dismissed in response to what will forever be known as the Vulcan incident. He was one of those brought in to make sure the mistakes of the past wouldn't occur. The new leadership has concluded that the organization needed to be changed from the ground up.

Part of that process, was a major restructuring. First, Starfleet was being decentralized. With the technology to destroy a planet in existence, it no longer made sense to have so much of operations in one place. A new academy and Starbase was in the works for the new Vulcan colony and two other planets yet to be determined. Also, a new research facility was moved to one of the rejected sites for the new Vulcan colony. In addition, a new North American campus is being built in Iowa on what was once the Kirk family property. Construction was starting now.

The second thing to go out the window was the mandatory retirement age, along with the policy regarding disabled service members. Too many people died in the Vulcan incident, many more like him were left permanently disabled. They couldn't lose well trained personnel because of something silly like age or disability.

Five years ago, he doubted he would be a member of the Admiralty, since he was paralyzed from the waist down. Despite the advancements in technology, the old guard were not comfortable with the disabled. For some dumb reason they assumed that he lost all his knowledge the moment that he lost his ability to walk. He would have been forced into medical retirement.

Now he was the new guard and they were changing Starfleet policy. You could now serve in space as long as you passed your medical requirements, even if you were the ripe old age of 70. You could now apply for Starfleet Academy if you have a visual impairment, utilize a wheelchair, have a hearing impairment, or another type of disability. He was the one who proposed the change: however, it wasn't just about him but the next generation. He could never tell the others that he came to this decision after speaking with the alternate universe counterpart of his almost first officer and hearing stories about disabled service members serving in Starfleet in the future.

The other thing he discovered during those chats was that at some point in the future families were allowed to serve together. Before the Vulcan incident, around 3% left Starfleet annually due to family issues including but not limited to sick parents, inadequate childcare, and falling in love with someone you're not supposed to because of the antiquated fraternization policy. There were days that he wished he had become part of the 3%. The number after the incident was 15%. He doesn't even know how many angry emails he has received from other captains about losing one of their best team members because he or she just couldn't do it any longer. Those numbers are just the ones leaving who have already joined, imagine how many good people did not join Starfleet just because of policies that were no longer in step with modern Starfleet. He knew these policy changes had to happen soon.

The decision to allow the disabled and to get rid of an age-based mandatory retirement went through easily. Most felt like him and easily realized that the one-size-fits-all policy was keeping a lot of good soldiers out.

Rewriting the fraternization policy was also easy. In his opinion, Captain Kirk and his husband were the sole reason why the policy was being thrown out the window. Not only did the fact that they were married not impact their ability to command the ship, it actually helped. They were the most successful team in Starfleet, proving once and for all that the old policies were stupid. They even worked well apart proving that they were not completely dependent on each other.

However, allowing children in space was a much more highly contested issue even under special circumstances. The mass casualties of the Nero incident made people wary. But the command shortage after what happened made discussion of the issue necessary. The old leadership would have tabled the issue for no other reason than the fact that they were afraid for their own jobs. The new leadership, commissioned a study. Maybe they were expecting said study to say that it was an absolutely horrible thing, but it did not. Now two years after he proposed the change it was headed to a final vote.

He was currently listening to Admiral Jackson, one of the few cronies of Admiral Johnson, that survived the purge. In Christopher's opinion that only happened because he was the head of some secret research project that no one else wanted to know about. He was against any change that Chris proposed. Personally, he thinks that's solely because he is the one proposing the changes. After the study disproved all of his initial arguments about productivity and safety, the only thing he could still argue was history.

"You're actually going to argue that because we've never done this before we shouldn't do it now?" Chris said, biting back the urge to laugh. One of his colleagues actually did snicker.

"That's ridiculous. Your initial argument was about the cost being prohibitive. The study that was commissioned proved that we would actually save money. Most of the ships can easily be retrofitted with minimal cost. New ships that we are building at higher than normal rates, due to the losses we sustained three years previously, can easily be modified for our new needs. Also the policy only affects individuals who meet a certain criteria.

A few years ago I would not be here. If we keep things as they are we will lose valuable personnel. We already lost an entire generation of cadets. We can't afford to lose anymore good people because we refuse to change."

* * *

"I have been a loyal servant of this Council for nearly 3.4 years and this is how you repay me, by forcing me out?" Dr. Amanda Grayson said, barely suppressing the urge to scream at the odious Vulcan sitting across from her.

"We are not 'forcing you out' as is your _human _colloquialism," he said in a voice that concealed his malevolence. Councilmember Sank was one of the few she sincerely wished fell off the rocks instead of her late husband. He was a distasteful Vulcan who despised her very existence simply for her DNA, before she became one of the most productive members of the new Council. She has been counting down the days until he relocates permanently to the colony, thereby allowing her to continue her work as the Vulcan representative to the Federation in peace. Unfortunately, he was one of the last to move permanently and it seems that it doesn't matter anymore. Today he decided to bring out obscure policies in an effort to take away her seat. Oh, she despised this Vulcan.

"The rules strictly state that all members of the Council must be Vulcan and you are not." She had to resist the urge to roll her eyes. Any display of physical emotion would be considered a show of weakness and Amanda was anything but weak. She survived the death of her husband and the planet she called home for decades. She survived losing most of her friends and colleagues. She can survive this.

"No, the rules state that all members of the Council must have Vulcan citizenship as outlined in article 70.2G of our Constitution. The rules of government have transferred to the new colony. I have had Vulcan citizenship for nearly 35 years." Amanda explained rationally, keeping the bitterness out of her voice. The slight flicker of annoyance in his eyes was her only indication that he was shocked by the fact that she knew the rules so well. He was one of the few on the Council who still doubted her intelligence.

"Yes, but you have that citizenship because of your husband, who is no longer living. According to rule 71.4 D, you lost your citizenship at his death. You no longer have a right to his council seat and therefore your position as the ambassador to the Federation should go to a _true_ Vulcan." She smirked inwardly, but she kept her face completely neutral at his ignorant words. She has heard this argument before; however, in the last few weeks after her appointment as the Federation ambassador for Vulcan, his animosity has increased tenfold. Amanda knew he assumed that the position was his and was bitter because she was the one appointed to the position. Honestly, she was expecting him to call into question her citizenship earlier. Instead, he argued that she only received the new position because her son saved Earth, but was not fortunate enough to save the planet of his birth.

"That would be the case if I did not go through the official naturalization process. I lived on Vulcan for more than 30 years, I raised my son there. I am not Vulcan by blood, but by choice," she argued back, barely keeping the annoyance out of her voice.

"However, all naturalization records have been destroyed. There is no way to confirm this," Sank pointed out a little too eagerly. She should have known that he would try something like this.

"All records were lost except for those that were backed up on off planet servers. How can we know that you are a citizen?" she asked logically.

"It is obvious that I'm Vulcan, unlike you." On the old Vulcan Council many of his cronies would have agreed with him. The new council was made up of mostly ex-patriots that had left the planet due to extreme prejudice. The rest owed their lives to a half human, thus forcing these Vulcans to reevaluate their prejudice. However, there were still enough of those who held that opinion sitting on the screen in front of her. In addition, her favorite ally, Selek, was away on an undisclosed diplomatic mission. Maybe that's why this is happening now.

"Are you sure? You could be half Romulan?" she said, smirking as her comment instantly disarmed the annoying individual. T'Pe, a former professor from Cambridge University had to suppress laughter. She was another target of Sank because she showed too much emotion for his personal taste. Unfortunately, she was too heavily involved in the creation of the infrastructure of the new colony to get rid of completely. Fortunately, she was safely at the colony and only had to deal with the Vulcan via video conference.

However Amanda, despite her usefulness, was considered expendable due to her humanness. Both she and her husband's grandmother had anticipated this challenge and already had a backup plan in place.

"I assume that you are aware that if you strip me of my seat on these flimsy grounds, that I will just function as proxy for Spock until he is able to take over per regulation 76.6.a." It took her years of learning how to behave in Vulcan society to suppress the urge to smirk in such an instance.

"Yes but according to regulation 76.7d, to receive a hereditary seat on the council, you must be the recognized heir of that seat. Due to the lack of records, that cannot be proven in your son's case." She was about to make a snide comment about DNA tests before T'Pau gave her a sharp look that was still effective, despite her not being in the room physically.

"Therefore, according to regulation 76.3.h the seat will go into the custody of the next closest living relative which would be me." Sank was her late husband's cousin on his father's side. It became obvious to everyone that this was just a mere power-play and revenge for her getting what he wanted. Unfortunately, her fate was being voted on by a group of individuals that were more concerned with the letter of the law, then its spirit. She was screwed.

"I move that we vote on this issue immediately." Sank expected T'Panda to second him, as was evident by him turning to her. She was one of the few actually on the Council that would take his side. She equally dislikes Amanda, but for entirely different reasons. Despite the fact that Spock was already happily married, T'Panda approached Amanda to form a marriage alliance between the two families. Amanda refused and therefore she became another political enemy. T'Panda would question her suggestions merely because she was the one suggesting it. At least, T'Panda disliked her for something she did and not because of her species. Amanda was not expecting anything good to come from this.

"If you would have simply allowed Commander Spock to take his rightful seat, I would have gone along with your plan. However, you want to strip away his seat, one that has belonged to him since birth. A seat that will go to his children someday." Amanda was surprised at her defense until she said that. Apparently, she was still under the delusion that she would be Spock's wife someday.

"Dr. Grayson has been serving as an adequate proxy for Commander Spock during his service to the Federation. I see no logical reason why we should change course now. She has done many great things for our people including organizing the relief effort." Despite knowing her self-serving motives, Amanda was surprised by her kind words.

"However, the rules clearly state that Ms. Grayson no longer qualifies to hold the seat. Therefore she should be removed from the Council at once," Sank stated once more. "You on more than one occasion have objected to Ms. Grayson's continued presence on this Council. Why have you come to her defense now?"

"It is Dr. Grayson or Elder Grayson to you. At the time, I felt that her son should do more directly to help his own people," T'Panda said as an excuse for her previous untoward behavior.

"More than finding a suitable planet for the new colony? Many of us are alive because of him," T'Pau said swiftly.

"I no longer hold such opinions. That is exactly why his family should not lose their seat. We owe him our very lives," T'Panda defended.

"Yes, but as true Vulcans, we must respect the absolute letter of the law."

"Then I move that we table this issue for 90 days to allow further examination of the situation. So far we only have your word that Elder Grayson no longer meets the citizenship requirement. The Council should investigate these matters for itself.," T'Pe suggested.

"I second the motion," T'Panda told the group.

"All in favor?" T'Pau said on the screen. All hands went up except one, not including her own. She chose not to vote for the sake of appearance.

"The issue is tabled for 90 days pending further investigation," T'Pau said swiftly, ending the meeting.

* * *

"Why did you do that?" Amanda asked when she encountered T'Panda in the facilities a few moments later.

"Spock does not deserve losing something that is his birthright because of one Vulcan's love of power and antiquated Vulcan supremacist viewpoint. When we were children, Spock was kind to me. He never mocked me because of my visual impairment. He has the potential to be a more than adequate leader when he accepts the position," T'Panda explained.

The young woman was born with a severe visual impairment and was ridiculed mercilessly by her peers. She moved to earth when she was 16 to participate in a research program to develop a prosthesis device that mimics sight, in addition to being a scholar of the law. She was currently wearing the device. Because of her research, she was safely on earth when the rest of her family died.

"It would be hypocritical of my son to do that to you when so many of his peers did that to him." The children ruthlessly tormented Spock because he was half human. He wouldn't treat anyone the way she was treated. Her son was too good for petty vengeance.

"I sought a marriage alliance with him because he is one of the few of our people that I could truly be comfortable with. I doubt that I will be able to find another possible companion among my own people who will not use me with contempt simply because of my perceived limitations." She understood. She discovered long ago that the Vulcan philosophy was not practiced as much as it should be by those at a certain level. She was hoping she could change that. Yet the Sanks of the Council were preventing her.

"Unfortunately, he is happily married to someone who sees him for himself and appreciate him completely." Amanda said kindly.

"I saw the couple together last year when I traveled to the colony with the second group of settlers. I could feel their regard for one another. It was foolish of me to ask that the relationship be dissolved because I am not sure such a bond could be dissolved even by death. However, I do not need a bond mate, but merely the means to contribute to continuing the species." Amanda wasn't expecting this type of acceptance. There has been too much animosity in the past.

"Yet, you continue to punish me for not giving you something that I could not give," Amanda said sharply. She no longer felt the need to conceal her emotions with T'Panda.

"That was unwise of me. I have tried to rectify such destructive behavior recently." Amanda has realized that the woman has been less hostile in recent months. "Sank sees my inability to see without technology the same way he sees the human blood that both you and Spock carry. However, it is not a handicap, but rather an asset. Because of your actions, you are more Vulcan than Sank could ever be," T'Panda asserted.

"I personally see you as a much more capable leader than him." Amanda quipped.

"That is because you see me and not my disability. You are that type of being. Even your boyfriend utilizes a wheelchair, yet is obvious to anybody that has seen you to interact that you hold him in the highest regard." She frowned at that. She knew that T'Panda was referring to Christopher. They were friends, very close friends but still just friends. They've known each other for years as acquaintances, but that connection became deeper when they attended the same loss support group. He lost the one that got away and she lost her soulmate. They understood each other in a way no one else could.

"Chris is a friend," She said almost automatically. This accusation has been made multiple times. Even the alternate version of her son has questioned the relationship. She's too damaged for anything more than friendship at the moment. She wonders if she will ever completely accept the loss of her husband. Amanda still wears her wedding ring. Although, now it was on a chain she wore around her neck instead of her finger. It took Amanda two years to get to that point. There are days when she forgets that he's dead. There are so many things that she wants to tell him, mostly about her two daughters. Sarek always wanted more children, but they couldn't have any more, and with his busy schedule adoption just didn't seem like a good idea.

Motherhood was easier when she had a co-parent, despite the fact that Chris was a big help. Then again it's probably easier to raise a child in your 20s instead of your 50s. She can't decide what's worse, a 13-year-old teenage girl with Vulcan level mood swings still trying to deal with the death of her parents or a four-year-old who still hasn't figured out how to share in Miss River's preschool class. However, she still absolutely loved both T'Pend and T'Pay.

"I apologize for my erroneous assumption," T'Panda said quickly. "I meant nothing by the comment. I know you loved your husband very much, but there is nothing improper about finding someone else." She has heard that many times mostly from her son in law and her friend Gaila. She is sure that when Gaila is back on planet she will be more actively urging Amanda to date again.

"The Council and my daughters keep me quite busy," Amanda said in response, avoiding the real reason why she has been celibate since her husband's death.

"Of course. I meant no offense. I am still not very eloquent in standard even after being on this planet for so long," T'Panda said as an excuse.

"I speak fluent Vulcan," Amanda offered.

"No, I must practice. What I am trying to say is that you see beyond a person's disability. You want to change the way this Council does things, so do I. We are allies."

"What do you want from this alliance?" Amanda asked, knowing that even the most logical of Vulcans would want something from her.

"I want Spock to be able to get the seat that is rightfully his, when you wish no longer to have it. I want his children to be able to inherit those seats even if they are created outside the normal means. That means keeping you on the Council by whatever means necessary, even if I have to marry you myself to get you citizenship again." If T'Panda were human, Amanda would consider that a joke, but she was probably serious.

"I doubt it will come to that," Amanda said with a annoyed sigh.

"I am sure there are other means. I have studied law for two decades. There are always, as humans say 'loopholes'. I will find something if given time." If anybody could it was the Vulcan in front of her. Amanda knew that she has spent years studying the law of Vulcan. She was an advocate for disabled rights before the planets destruction. Now she was using her seat to achieve constitutional change.

"So you want me to convince my son to use you as his surrogate and to change the laws so that your child will have the same rights as a child born in a traditional marriage?" she asked, not sure she could do that. Spock wanted kids of his own to save the species. The pressure that his grandmother was putting on him was making it worse. She knew that her son-in-law was absolutely terrified of being a father. His childhood was horrible. There was no other word to describe it. There was nothing she could say to convince Jim that the opposite was true. However, maybe Jim would be more open to an option that was slightly outside the box and would not require him to do diaper duty.

"You are very astute," T'Panda said confirming her assumption.

"As I told you before, I cannot force my son to do anything he does not want to do." Her husband learned that the hard way and she will not repeat his mistakes. "However I can present the option to him and his husband. I would also be willing to support any measure that will give equal protection to those previously disenfranchised," Amanda offered.

"I accept." T'Panda said with a smile.

"Excuse me, but I have another commitment," she said looking at her watch, knowing that she had exactly 30 minutes to pick up her daughters at school before she was to meet Christopher for dinner.

"With your Christopher?" T'Panda asked.

"He's not my Christopher but yes, we are having dinner together with my daughters. As I stated earlier he is just a friend." Seriously why does everybody think there is something going on?

"Because you are fluent in the language, you are aware that 'friend' and 'lover' are interchangeable in Vulcan." With that T'Panda was gone.

* * *

"So how did the vote go?" Amanda asked as soon as her daughters were busy playing video games. Chris had the brilliant idea to take the girls to Fun Time House at Pizza complete with vintage video games and fuzzy robots singing disturbing children's songs. Her late husband would have found the entire experience disturbing, but T'Pend and T'Pay enjoyed it, much to her surprise. At least that gave the two time to talk. She hasn't seen him since the meeting three days previously and the results have not gone public yet. She was anxious to know the outcome.

"15 to 4," Christopher said with a great smile.

"Considering that you're smiling I take it that it was 15 to 4 in your favor," Amanda said taking a drink of her water.

"You assumed correctly. The only real opposition were Johnson's old cronies."

"Why am I not surprised?" Amanda said with annoyance.

"T'Pau will be happy. I think that she pushed for this change so much just so she could get great great grandbabies even if she will say such a thing is illogical. According to a very panicked conversation I had with my son-in-law, she has sent Jim multiple emails regarding the genetic engineering of a baby or in vitro. Then again she did the same thing to me at my wedding," Amanda told him with a sad smile.

"I'm not surprised. I had to listen to Jim complain about what happened when they had to shuttle her and the first group of permanent settlers to the colony. Apparently, she actually brought possible gestational carriers and egg donors with her," Chris said with a laugh. She had also heard about this. Spock was mortified, even if he would not express such a thing.

"How is the old Vulcan?" Christopher asked after a moment.

"Good, from what I can tell. We only got to talk for a few minutes before the rest of the earthbound council members arrived," she said, inhaling an entire mozzarella stick.

"You're stress eating, that's not a good sign," Chris said with a frown.

"I spent the day with morons," Amanda said, grabbing another stick.

"What happened?" Chris asked, touching her hand. She ignored the shiver that went up her spine at the contact. That's when she explained the entire Sank situation.

"God, he is such an opportunistic bastard. Before everything happened he was just an aid, and now he's trying to take over," Chris said after she was done.

"I personally think he is just upset about my appointment to the position that he believes is his birthright. Sometimes, I wish my son had not saved him," Amanda said with annoyance.

"Yes, but the Vulcan is an idiot if he thinks that he can do a better job then you just because of his DNA. Actually, I think he's the Vulcan equivalent to the disgraced and now imprisoned Johnson," Chris snorted. The former Admiral Johnson was serving a 252 year sentence on an undisclosed prison planet for everything from racketeering to statutory rape to manslaughter.

"I may agree with you, but regardless he is a dangerous idiot," Amanda said as she nervously played with her plate.

"You have 90 days to figure out how to outsmart him. I'm sure you only need three. Besides, Jim and Spock will be here by that time. I'm sure they will think of something if you can't." She couldn't help but smile when he told her that. "I wasn't supposed to tell you that."

"They're coming back to earth?" Amanda asked, ecstatic to see her son. The last time she saw Spock was two years ago when she visited Vulcan II to oversee the progress of the new development for three months.

"Yes, but you didn't hear that from me. I just told Jim about it yesterday."

"How did he take the news?" she said, not sure what to expect. Her son-in-law really didn't have any ties to earth anymore except her. His brother has been missing for years and his mother was dead. He wasn't close to any of his aunts and uncles. He even sold his ancestral home and was happy that they were turning it into the new Starfleet Academy. He wasn't that happy that they were turning his childhood home into a shrine/Museum. To Jim that was where his mother was killed. She knew he would be happy if it burned to the ground and she can't fault him for that.

"He's happy to be coming back, but not with the fact that he is going to have an Earth assignment for a few months as an instructor the Academy. Also he's freaking out about the new rules regarding kids on ships under special circumstances." Chris' words do not surprise her.

"What exactly did my son-in-law say?" she asked.

"It's not funny Chris. Spock's biological clock is already ticking because of the endangered species thing. I mean, he feels guilty because he's not helping as much as he thinks he should. He's going to start driving me crazy with a gestational carrier and egg donors search," he said, imitating Jim perfectly.

"I'm not surprised. Although, I don't know why Spock feels so guilty. He's doing more for our people than some working directly on the situation. He was the one who chose the planet that the colony is on," Amanda said, exasperated. Unfortunately, she knows that her son fills guilt harder than any other emotion. To this day, he still blames himself for not saving his father, even if she did not.

"There's a reason why your son sees a therapist three times a week. He has issues. One of those is his unrealistic expectations for himself. He thinks he was asked to be perfect."

"I personally blame Sarek for that," Amanda said with another sigh. Her husband had put too much pressure on their only child together. Long after his death, Spock was still contending with his metaphorical ghost.

I'm shocked you're admitting to that, although Jim said something similar. He also said 'I just know as soon as he finds out, we're going to be picking out booties and bassinets.'"

"I bet he was snickering the entire time," she said, smiling.

"He is terrified of becoming his stepfather," Chris said sadly. Amanda knew that was something that Jim had an issue with.

"Jim knows that hitting is bad. I personally think that he will make a good father someday. He was great with the girls before leaving," Amanda said, just as Chris's communicator went off and he grabbed it out of his pocket.

"I have to take this," he told her.

"Somebody better be dead," he answered, only to frown after a moment.

"I didn't mean that literally. I can be back in 30 minutes," Chris said, ending the call.

"That didn't sound good," Amanda said.

"It's not. When they were excavating the site of the new Riverside Academy they found a human body under what was the barn." His voice was grim.

"That's not good," she said before thinking. "Jim's brother disappeared about 15 or 16 years ago. Nobody's seen him in that time and there wasn't much of a search because Frank owned the local police department. You don't think…" Amanda stopped there.

"I met the bastard. I know what he was capable of and it is definitely a possibility," he growled.

"I'm going with you."

"You can't. I'll tell you everything later. Don't say anything to Jim until we know," he instructed her.

"Okay," she said, kissing him goodbye on the cheek, not entirely sure why she did it.

* * *

Jim and Spock have both been avoiding her whenever not on duty since the birthday incident eight days earlier. This is an amazing feat considering that their rooms are next door to each other and they still have to share a bathroom (even though it has been completely renovated, thanks to those two idiots doing something in there that managed to break the sink). Even Spock was not making eye contact with her right now. Of course, she knows this is entirely possible because she was currently avoiding Leonard at the moment. She wasn't completely ready to face him after that almost kiss.

However, unlike her, her bosses had no reason to be that embarrassed. Because Jim and Spock are married and have joined quarters, she has the traditional first officer room and the walls were unbelievably thin. This wasn't the first time that she's heard things that she shouldn't, but this was the first time major property damage was involved. So she was slightly shocked when Jim showed up at her quarters with a large box of chocolates and a bottle of something very alcoholic.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, eyeing him dubiously.

"Is that any way to treat your best friend?" Jim said, walking past her.

"You have been avoiding me since my birthday. Apparently, breaking the sink was too much for you and you really do have shame."

"We were not avoiding you because of the thing with the sink. I know you've seen worse." She just gave Jim her 'you have got to be kidding me' look.

"Okay, I was not avoiding you. Once the chocolate wore off, Spock was mortified but only because of the broken furniture. I was avoiding you because of what I interrupted," Jim said, sitting on her bed practically bouncing.

"You didn't interrupt anything," she snapped back.

"These walls are very thin," he said with an evil smirk.

"Yes and I'm going to throw you at one," she said with a glare as she opened the box of chocolate.

"You're so touchy."

"So why are you here?" she asked with annoyance.

"Starfleet is completely rewriting their family policy. Good for Bones, bad for me. I could deal with it in the abstract, but not now that it's becoming a real possibility. This means that we will have toddlers running around as soon as my husband successfully talks me into it. We both know he can convince me to do just about anything," Jim said as he opened the bottle and took a drink directly out of it before switching to the chocolate. She would say something smart at that moment, but she felt it was best to let Jim talk about the entire conversation with Chris that covered everything from the policy change to Jim's very irrational fears about fatherhood. He also mentioned his irritation over the fact that his childhood home was being turned into a Museum, even though he wanted to burn it to the ground. Finally, he told her about his new assignment.

"They want me to teach," Jim said in a whiny voice. Nyota's response was to laugh.

"It's not that funny," he said, eating another one of her truffles.

"I'm just laughing at your reaction. You're acting like dealing with new recruits is the worst thing in the universe. At least they are not sending you to some remote research facility like Delta Vega without your husband. Also, I'm going to be with you." Unlike the majority of the current Enterprise crew, she was signing up for a second tour. She had already received an e-mail yesterday telling her that her next assignment would be six months at Starfleet Academy in San Francisco teaching the advanced Romulan classes. Apparently, she was one of the few who mastered all three dialects well enough to teach. (Unfortunately, her old instructor was one of the casualties of the Nero incident.)

"That's like the one silver lining. That and the fact that Spock will be with me. I just can't believe any member of the admiralty would be stupid enough to make me teach Leadership 101. I think Delta Vega would it be better as long as Spock was there and not in 'let's make a baby mode'."

She couldn't help but laugh at Jim's comment.

"I don't think Delta Vega would be better. Also, as much as he wished he could send you there I don't think Johnson's BFF can touch you," she said, referring to Admiral Jackson who was now the new chair of the We Hate Jim Club.

About 80% of those who were in charge when she and Jim were cadets were no longer there. Most did not survive the hearings after the Vulcan incident. A few were incarcerated like Johnson. Some like Jackson only survived by the skin of their teeth and because they still had friends in high places. Jackson hated Jim for multiple reasons. He also had multiple reasons to hate her as well. Her testimony regarding the fact that everyone ignored the message she intercepted from the Klingons was the reason why most of his cronies were gone.

"Shouldn't you be whining to your husband or has the baby talk already started?"

"He wants to go over options," Jim said with a frown. "That may be the reason why I decided to break into my emergency chocolate supply and make amends."

"So instead of speaking to him like a rational person about why you are scared, you're hiding in my bedroom?" she asked, mimicking Spock's trademark eyebrow raise.

"You've known me for how long? When have I ever been rational?" he asked, taking another drink.

"Good point."

"Also, how many emails have you ignored from your father today? Did you even thank him for the birthday present that you trashed? It was a really nice necklace that I rescued in case you decide to act like a grown-up."

"Six, and I am acting like a grown-up," Nyota snapped back.

"I doubt that," Jim mumbled under breath. "Are you actually going to read any of the letters?" He asked this out loud.

"Are you going to speak to your husband about why talk about children makes you squeamish?" she asked in turn.

"So when are you going to tell Bones that you want to jump his bones?"

"Do you want to watch a movie?" she asked trying to ignore everything Jim just said.

"See, I think we're friends now because we are equally screwed up and we believe avoidance is an acceptable coping strategy."

"Probably," she said before thinking better of it. Of course, just as she pressed play they were both called out of their free time for a distress call from a science outpost under attack. She was already looking forward to her planet side assignment.

* * *

"I did not say that we must make plans immediately to produce a child. Now that the regulations have changed, we should examine the possibility," Jim's husband said ever so logically as they marched through the jungle-like environment. He was beyond annoyed that they couldn't just beam directly into the research facility. Instead he, Spock, Bones, and three members of the security team were slowly walking to the research facility. Seven hours earlier they had received a distress call from planet NCX17, also known as the backup for the Vulcan colony. The planet that was ultimately not chosen for the colony was currently serving as a new Starfleet research facility where they were working on a project so top-secret that Jim barely has the clearance to know that there was a lab on this planet. The fact that they were being attacked by ground troops made Jim uneasy.

Of course, most of this uneasiness was because before the feed went dead, they saw footage of the person making the distress call being shot in the head by someone who seemed to be human. It was hard to tell when a person is wearing an old-school ski mask. They have been unable to contact anyone since the initial call.

"Do you really think I should be responsible for a small life?" Jim responded. The whole reason why he was hiding out in Nyota's room was to avoid this argument. Instead, thanks to this crazy distress call, they were going to have to have this out now. He and Spock have a good marriage filled with love and copious amounts of sex in inappropriate places. There was just this one little thing: his husband's ticking biological clock and Jim's perfectly logical fear that he shouldn't be allowed within 10 feet of a growing adolescent. Once the honeymoon period was over, the concept started to terrify him again.

"You are responsible for 1000 lives aboard the ship. You perform your duty more than adequately," Spock said, grabbing his hand in a not so discrete kiss. Even after knowing each other for more than four years, Spock still enjoys his hand-holding make out sessions even when they're fighting. Actually, those sessions usually end their fights really quickly.

"Adults are different. I don't have to change their diapers," Jim said with a frown.

"If that is the major issue, adoption is a viable possibility," Spock said, being way too logical.

"You two are freaking insane," Bones complained. "You're arguing about kids now? Can you two table this argument until we're not walking through a unknown jungle trying to access a remote Starfleet research facility. Especially when we don't know if we're going to run into a group of thugs with big guns. We are not even sure if the group has left the planet or not. If anyone was still there they would hear you from here." Bones looked like he actually wanted to slap both of them upside the head.

"That does not seem possible. All scans show only one life signed located in a room that prevents beaming," his husband said in the most matter-of-fact way possible.

"Forgive me for being worried. After you warp into a trap one time you become a bit wary. Who knows if they left us some nasty surprise. It just makes perfect sense that we would get blown to pieces six weeks before vacation and my six month assignment on solid ground," Doctor McCoy said with his normal biting sarcasm.

"Which is why we are the ones doing the reconnaissance," his husband said with an annoyed look.

"We will send others down to take care of the bodies after we know it's safe. You're here to help stabilize the one person that's not dead," Jim snapped.

"Fine, but I don't need to hear your foreplay. Save it for the bedroom. I'm a Doctor dammit, not a therapist. Work out your daddy issues on your own time."

"I do not have daddy issues," Jim said in his defense. 'You have to have had a dad to have daddy issues and I never had one and I don't count the bastard,' he said mentally, and judging by his husband's raised eyebrows he heard that. Sometimes having a husband that can hear your thoughts is a really bad thing.

* * *

"The true reasons for your objection to us having children together is your stepfather and your fear that you could not be an adequate father due to your lack of role model?" Spock asked cautiously as he caressed his husband's hand. The gesture was the only type of affection he showed when the couple were on duty. He wished he could do more but the situation was too critical for that. They needed to keep moving.

"Possibly, and we don't have time for you to give me all the reasons why you don't think that way. I will make you a deal, if I can survive taking care of your four-year-old sister for a day without having to call the police or the fire department we can discuss options," James offered. Spock felt that it may be a good idea. Jim's opposition would most likely dissipate when he is able to prove to himself that his fears are illogical.

"Okay." Spock agreed simply because he knew when not to push his husband after more than three years of marriage and they really did not have time for further discussion.

They stayed silent until they arrived at the research facility. Contrary to Dr. McCoy's assumption, there was no ambush or incendiary device waiting for the group. However, they did encounter the bloodied bodies of several colleagues. Spock recognized one as a friend of his former girlfriend Carol. Her name was Rebecca and she was kind enough to bring Spock an entire chocolate cake after Carol ended things the way she did. Rebecca also stopped speaking to her for a year because of the incident. He will have to call her mother personally.

"I think they took the server," Jim said, pointing to an empty space where something was obviously missing.

"What the hell were they working on here?" Dr. McCoy asked.

"Something so classified that they sent us to check out what the hell happened," Jim responded.

"I am sure they took other stuff. We will need to take a closer look as soon as we find the one person not dead," Jim said as they moved forward. Suddenly Jim stopped moving as he took a deep breath.

"Spock, don't look," he said, grabbing Spock's hand again as if to hold him back.

"Why?" Spock asked.

"I'm pretty sure that the person lying in front of me is your ex-girlfriend. You don't need to see her like that." Mentally, Jim added 'I'm so sorry.'

Spock ignored his husband's advice and walked towards the body. Despite the blood, he knew it was her. Despite the device in his hand telling him otherwise he placed two fingers on her neck to feel for a pulse but felt nothing. He felt shaky. After three years of therapy, he was more comfortable with feeling his emotions. Right now he felt overwhelmed.

"I know it's hard but we have to keep going," Jim said, putting an arm around him despite the fact that they were on duty. "Judging by the phaser in her hand and the body across from her she at least took one of them down with her," Jim said with a whisper.

They followed Leonard into what appeared to be the kitchen area. Spock could not get the scene from before out of his mind. A woman that he loved once upon a time was dead.

"Check the cabinets," Jim said quietly. "I used to hide there a lot when I was a little kid. I'm sure a small adult could do it too."

"Or scared little kid being hidden by his mommy," Doctor McCoy said, opening the door to find a small child of approximately 3 years of age with brown hair. "He has a pulse. I want to get him up to the ship, now," the doctor said scooping the young child up.

"This is why I don't want to bring a small defenseless kid on a starship despite what the regulations now say. Considering his hair color and what we saw outside, I'm pretty sure that Carol died protecting him, so I guess I have to hate her a little less," James said sadly. "Another Starfleet orphan."

Spock really did not pay attention to his husband because he was too preoccupied with the fact that the young boy had ears like his.

To be continued.

* * *

This is pretty much the darkest chapter in this story. It will get lighter. Those of you that read the original or anything else that I have written know that I tend to mix the light and the dark together. The last story started light and got more serious. This story will start serious and become fluffier as time goes on.


	2. Emotional Grenades

Thank you to everyone who read or reviewed the last chapter. Also thank you to everyone who put the story on your alerts. We have a lot of guesses in regard to the paternity of the little boy that Spock found. Let's see if everybody's right. Although, nobody guessed the identity of W. More will be revealed regarding that later on.

I'm probably going to try to do smaller chapters because I think I can get out two small chapters during the week instead of one large one for one story. I really do want to try to update more than once a month on all my stories. Also, I think the 10,000 word chapters are a little overwhelming.

A/N or possibly story spoiler alert: Some of what you read below may seem familiar to those of you who have read the wonderful My Own Interrupted Iowa by T'Pinto (Great story that everybody should read and please send encouragement for her to start the sequel). With her permission, I did borrow the circumstances behind the conception of Carol's son but because Carol did it to Spock instead of Jim, we felt it was different enough.

Pairings for now: Established Jim/Spock, Pre Bones/Nyota, and it's complicated Chris/Amanda

Music: Bruno Mars

Grenade

_Gave you all I had and you tossed it in the trash_

_You tossed it in the trash, you did_

This song embodies Spock's relationship with Carol in this universe better than anything I could come up with.

*Count on Me.

This is to show contrast between Spock's relationship with Jim now and what he had with Carol. Also, the song has pure lullaby potential.

* * *

**Chapter 2: Emotional Grenades**

According to his husband, Spock was not supposed to have anything to do with the current situation or subsequent investigation into the murder of 38 Starfleet researchers. Due to what happened during the Nero incident it was easy for him to be declared emotionally compromised. James actually named Nyota as acting First Officer temporarily. He did not argue because James knew him better than most and he was emotionally compromised.

Seeing the bloody body of someone he once cared about was jarring. James could feel his complicated emotions through their bond. Spock hated her but he did not want to see this.

A part of him remembered a time when he would do anything for her. He was so lost in what he thought was love that at the time he would have died for her. She would not have done the same. After being married to James for three years he knows now that what he felt was not real love. Maybe it was immature love or merely infatuation, but it wasn't real.

Spock did not think Carol was capable of love until he watched the security video files. Per James' orders, Spock was not supposed to watch the files, but James knew him too well and did not restrict his access. The attack was unexpected. One of the scientists began randomly attacking the other researchers before the others arrived. Carol's response was to go straight to her son.

"David, I need you to be a good boy for mom and stay quiet, okay?" From the footage, Spock can see the young boy nodding his head.

"Mommy loves you." That's when she injected him with a substance that according to Doctor McCoy mimics death. Spock could only reason that a desperate Carol assumed that if the attackers thought that David was dead they would leave him alone. Spock saw her quickly hide the child in the kitchen area just in case. He then saw the woman who treated him so horribly die protecting her child. As James surmised, she killed one of the attackers and wounded another one so severely that he or she retreated.

Young David was currently in sick bay in stable condition but still unconscious. Dr. McCoy believes that the unconsciousness is a side effect of what Carol gave him to 'play dead'. Spock believes that it is a side effect of a broken parental bond. Even as an adult Vulcan, losing his father was quite painful. All research indicates that it is worse in young children and has been known to trigger a healing trance. Even without a DNA test Spock knew that David was at least partially of Vulcan ancestry.

The required DNA test confirmed that David was in fact Carol's child. In Spock's mind, a DNA test was superfluous. Her actions prove that this was her child. Actually, the name David proved that he was Carol's child. She wanted to name her first child after her grandfather. Spock like the name so much that despite his bitter feelings regarding Carol, he did not take the name off his perspective baby name list.

Unfortunately, the DNA test also identified him as the other parent. Again, Spock did not need a DNA test to prove something he already knew. When he took over carrying the small child from Doctor McCoy, a parental bond locked into place. Actually he already had his suspicions when he saw David. He resembled Spock as a child, except his hair was much lighter. It was the same shade as James'. The DNA test just confirmed the obvious, but it did not explain how he could have a child under the age of three with his former girlfriend.

Other than being forced to be in her company 4.5 years ago when she was doing a speaking engagement at the San Francisco campus, he has not seen the first woman he thought that he loved for 7 years two months and 23 days. They have not engaged in sexual intercourse for eight years, three months, and 19 days. Judging by David's age, he had to be conceived sometime during May or June of 2258. Spock was in space with James for the majority of that time.

Even if David was significantly older, Spock would still be surprised by the child's existence. As embarrassing as it was, his mother spoke with him about the necessities of using contraceptives, especially due to his high social standing. She said it would make him susceptible to paternity suits. Unlike his full Vulcan counterparts, his reproductive system followed human norms. Pregnancy was a possibility at all times, not just once every seven years or with the aid of fertility drugs.

He always used prophylactics. Also Carol was supposedly on the contraceptive shot. However, the woman lied about loving him so it is only logical to assume that she probably lied about being on some form of contraceptive. Spock also distinctly remembered not being able to use spermicide because Carol was supposedly allergic.

The technology did exist to remove a fertilized embryo and transfer it to another during the early stages of fetal development. It was also possible to freeze an embryo for decades and then have a successful pregnancy once the embryo was implanted in a uterus. It was possible that Carol could have gotten pregnant during their relationship and had the fetus removed and 'stored' until a more convenient time for her to bring the child to term.

There was also the possibility that Carol could have secured some of his genetic material by other means. Again, she would not allow spermicide. Is this what happened? Would she really have done something like that to him? According to Rebecca, she already used Spock to satisfy her interplanetary sexual curiosity. Using his DNA to create an offspring without his consent seems completely within the realm of possibilities.

He always wanted children. Due to the endangered species status of Vulcans, it was more necessary than ever. However, he wanted those children with James and not with her. But as Dr. McCoy has said on many occasions, it was impossible to get the bull back in once the door was open. This is the first time that saying has made complete sense to Spock.

Spock was brought out of his thoughts by his door chime. It was Nyota and she had a box of dark chocolate truffles with her. He has not seen her outside a duty since her 29th birthday party. He was not embarrassed about her catching him and James engaged in extremely intimate activities due to destroying the sink in the bathroom. They have been neighbors for nearly 3 years and have witnessed each other in various compromising positions.

No, he was embarrassed because he interrupted her interactions with Leonard. He knows that the doctor was attracted to Nyota and she was equally attracted to him but refused to acknowledge it. He also knows that the young woman was more jaded than he was before he became attracted to James. It also seems that their courtship is moving equally slow.

"Your husband brought these over earlier before everything went to hell, but I thought you could use the rest of the box," she said, handing over a large box of chocolates that only had two truffles missing. The chocolate most likely came from the weekly supply that his mother and sisters send him.

"Thank you," Spock said, allowing her in the room. She quickly went to the couch.

"Jim sent me here to make sure that you're not watching the surveillance footage on repeat. It was disturbing the one time I had to watch it." Spock is tempted to roll his eyes. James would do something like that.

"Where is James?" Spock asked her. He needed his husband desperately.

"He is around the ship somewhere. He referred to it as cleanup duty." That was James' codeword for dealing with the aftermath of a mass casualties situation. The current situation certainly qualified.

"I'm sorry," Nyota said after a moment.

"Why are you apologizing?" Spock asked her, confused.

"I'm sorry about Carol. We both know that you feel things deeper than anyone else, you just don't show it. I know she used to be important to you before she screwed you over. I remember when Jordan died. I hated him and I still loved him at the same time. When it was confirmed that he died, it felt like all the air went out of my lungs. It had to be worse considering how you found out." Her voice was low and sad as she spoke.

"You mean because I was part of the team that discovered her body." He cursed his photographic memory when images of her blood covered body entered his mind. He never wanted to see those images again. He was thankful that David was unconscious and did not see or even hear what happened. How was he going to explain to a child not even three years old that his mother was deceased?

"Yes. It's been years and I still have flashbacks to my mom," she said sympathetically.

"I am okay."

"That tells me that you are anything but okay. You hate that word. Marshall's not back?" she asked, referring to the personification of his human side that materialized during the aftermath of the destruction of Vulcan.

"No, I have not seen 'Marshall', but that may be because of the medication I am still on," he said as a joke to relieve the tension of the moment.

"You did take your medication?" she said, eyeing him suspiciously.

"Yes. The situation is not as emotionally detrimental as you assume it to be and I doubt that a complete breakdown will occur. In retrospect, I did not love Carol, I was just infatuated with her. Between seeing who she truly is and comparing what I felt for her at the time to my feelings with James, I can see that it was not love. I hope you will eventually come to know the difference with Doctor McCoy in comparison to the feelings you once had for Jordan." Spock added this last part to get away from any conversation related to Carol. He wished not to discuss the woman.

"I'm going to give you a free pass because of what happened today with the crazy ex and completely ignore your little comment," Nyota said with annoyance.

"I was under the impression that you are attracted to Doctor McCoy. I also am well aware that he finds you intriguing," Spock said.

"I am convinced that you really want to avoid all Carol related conversation so much that you're bringing Leonard into this. He's just a friend," Nyota said defensively.

"I believe James was under the impression that we were just friends for the majority of our courtship," Spock pointed out to avoid the real issue.

"That's only because he didn't know about the Vulcan handholding make out sessions. Could you please have him refrain from sucking your fingers in the cafeteria. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who knows that's obscene," she said, giving him a dark look.

"Would you prefer that we talk about your father?" Spock suggested, knowing that was an equally uncomfortable subject for her.

"We can talk about the fact that you are now a father. That's why Jim sent me here. I'm supposed to break the news gently without bad mouthing she that we will no longer name," Nyota said sharply. "The fact that you're not freaking out tells me that you already know."

"When I touched David, a parental bond fell into place. The DNA results confirm my initial hypothesis." Thankfully, Nyota did not ask him how he found the DNA test results.

"Well, I know what you have been doing Mister Hacker." Because she automatically assumed correctly what he did do. "You are as bad as your husband and Gaila. I'm assuming that's how you found out what his name is?" she asked after a moment.

"That was how Carol referred to him in the video file. You are aware of the DNA test results?" Spock asked.

"I was there when Bones told your husband. You'll be happy to know that his response was 'how the fuck did the evil bitch get her hands on my husband's sperm.' Then Bones went on a very long speech about how she could have just gotten pregnant when you to were dating and put the zygote on ice for a few years. It may be best for everyone that she's dead right now." Spock had a feeling that Nyota was severely censoring James's reaction. The bond between the two has been closed off for the majority of the last few hours.

"So he does not believe I engaged in sexual intercourse with her recently?" Spock asked.

"Not at all. Jim trusts you implicitly and if we all did our math right, baby David was conceived when we were inching our way back to earth. The evil bitch did tell me she was only a few weeks pregnant right after we got back." This confused Spock. When did Nyota ever have an opportunity to speak to Carol?

"When did this conversation take place?" Spock asked.

"We didn't tell you this at the time because you were still in a bad place after your dad died, but Carol crashed the wedding," Nyota explained, looking guilty.

"She was there?" Spock asked.

"Well, for the reception part anyway, but your other self and I kicked her out in the nicest way possible after Jim saw her there. I don't know why she was there," Nyota said, shaking her head.

"Probably to make me as miserable as possible," Spock mumbled under his breath.

"Well, she is the type of person who will smile to your face and then rip the brakes out of your car." Nyota's voice was bitter.

"I do not own a motor vehicle," Spock told her with a puzzled expression.

"It's an old song lyric. I've been spending way too much time with your husband."

"That seems highly probable."

"She's an evil person who just takes from people and I'm pretty sure that she took some of your sperm at some point when you were dating and put it in the freezer. I really hope she didn't do what Bones suggested. This is why you should always use spermicide," she said, almost lecturing him.

"She claimed an allergy," Spock said, defending himself.

"Fucking bitch. Now, I'm positive it was the sperm thing. The other option was most likely cost prohibitive," she mumbled.

"I know I shouldn't talk badly about the dead, especially because I saw what she did to keep David alive. What she did to you was wrong. At the reception I made some crack about her finishing her champagne as quickly as possible and she said she was only drinking sparkling cider because she was just a few weeks pregnant. My response was 'I pity that child and the poor bastard who knocked you up. I hope he gets full custody. On the bright side, we know it's not Spock's because he hasn't touched your skinny ass in at least five years.' Then I told her to leave." He could tell Nyota was angry just remembering this incident. He was also glad that she took care of it so he did not have to deal with Carol at what was supposed to be a happy occasion.

"What was her response?" Spock asked.

"It was, and I quote 'You will be amazed what can be done these days with technology and a DNA sample.'" The words sent a shiver down Spock's spine.

"I thought she was talking about maybe using a sperm donor. I didn't think she was talking about you, but I should have." Nyota seemed guilty.

"I assumed you told James about this?" Spock questioned.

"He saw the whole exchange and sent your other self to help me get her away from you before she ruined the happiest day of your life. Maybe she was there to tell you about the kid. Unfortunately, Jim wasn't close enough to actually hear the exchange and I didn't tell him exactly what she said."

"I would have sued her for custody immediately if I was aware of this," Spock said, knowing exactly what he would have done despite the ban on children in space at the time.

"Funny, your husband said the same thing," Nyota said as Spock's communicator chirped. There was a simple text message from his husband.

_The baby Vulcan is up and crying for his mom and Becky. I need you here to help me tell him. Bring teddy bear. _

Jim's message referred to the giant stuffed animal that Spock won for him at an amusement park. James kept the bear because it was a gift from Spock.

"David is awake and he is asking for his mother," Spock explained as neutrally as he could.

"God, this is a mess. No matter how he got into this world, he needs you right now. You should bring this," Nyota said, grabbing the bear from the couch.

"James suggested the same thing," he said, taking the bear from her.

"And the man says he doesn't have parental instincts." Spock heard her say as he walked out the door with her following behind him.

* * *

"I swear to every omnipotent being in the galaxy that if she wasn't already dead I would kill her for this. How dare she pull some shit like this," Jim said as he walked back into sick bay after sending his initial report to Pike. Considering that from the security footage they knew that this was an inside job, he decided it would be best to avoid Jackson until they had a clue of what was going on. The fact that all signs of the ship that had obviously left with the remaining attackers had mysteriously disappeared worried him. Pike was the only one he really trusted.

"I see work has done little to calm you down." No, work did nothing to calm him down. No, it gave him more time to think about this entirely fucked up situation. Jim is not sure if he is madder at Carol for using Spock's DNA to make herself a child or for not telling Spock that he had a child. Jim knew better than anyone else how much Spock wanted children. Jim was terrified of children and now he has one because of the evil one. Yes, technically that child was Spock's, but if Spock has a child then Jim has a child. They were a team.

"Well, it's a little hard to calm the fuck down when you're trying to find out who killed about 40 scientists including the one who had a child with my husband without his consent or knowledge by most likely pilfering his sperm," Jim said, looking at the door. Poor kid. He wondered if the 2 ½-year-old will remember this day. He hoped not.

"Do you have any leads on what happened down there?" Bones asked.

"According to the surveillance footage, it was an inside job. One of their own went rogue. The computers are trying to do a visual analysis against the Starfleet database but it's taking a while. The DNA tests on the victims are more important than ever. Whoever isn't dead most likely was responsible for everyone else being dead. How much longer?" Jim said with a sigh.

"We should have everyone processed in an hour. It was more important that we take care of baby boy Marcus." The name alone may Jim cringe. He liked to pretend that little child in there had nothing to do with that woman.

"Don't call him that. If I hear her name right now, I may break something. He is Spock's son. Also, according to the surveillance footage his first name is David." Of course, the evil one had to name him one of Spock's and his top baby name choices. Yes, despite the thought of actually having children terrifying Jim, he still had names picked out just in case Spock won the argument.

"You can barely pronounce your full last name; I don't know how you expect me or a three-year-old to do it." Bones said sarcastically.

"Try David Kirk for now or just David. I know you can pronounce that," Jim said sarcastically.

"You're more okay with this than I thought you would be," Bones said as he pulled something up on his screen.

"I'm not okay with this. But I can't be mad at an innocent two-year-old, especially one that's half Spock. Even though I think his mother is a monster, she was still his mother." His eyes started to water at the thought.

The scene earlier made him realize the real reason why he was afraid to have a child with Spock; he didn't want to leave another child behind like his father left him. Actually, like his mother left him. He was an orphan. Jim hated growing up without a father and he didn't want to do that to his own kids. Actually, he didn't want to leave Spock alone to raise their children if one day a mission went horribly wrong. He saw how hard everything was on his mom. Maybe that's why she fell head over heels for the asshole.

How exactly were they going to tell a 2 ½-year-old that his mom was not only dead but murdered by a supposed colleague? He really can't relate because he always knew his father was dead.

"If the situation was reversed and one of my previous 'relationships' showed up with the results of a one night stand that went badly, Spock would be there for me. He would also treat any child as his own because he's just that type of good person," Jim continued.

"We know he would do that. Remember when that crazy woman was all over TV claiming that she had your love child," Bones said, referring to that foolish woman who sued him last year claiming that he was the father of her daughter when Jim actually never met the woman before.

"Turns out she was just trying to get money from me, but Spock was supportive. If we found out about this before Carol died we would have suited her for full custody. If Nyota told me exactly what Carol said to her at the wedding, I would have asked for a DNA test." He was kicking himself for that. They just should have known she was there for some evil purpose.

"You could not have anticipated something like this happening. I mean, the last time your husband had sex with her was about five years before she got pregnant," Bones said, trying to be reassuring this time.

"Thanks to my husband's baby kick, I know all the ways you can get pregnant and the majority of them don't even require sex. Even you told me about a possibility that I did not consider. She didn't even need to get Spock's actual sperm. A blood sample would have work if she decided on genetic engineering. She probably went the engineering route because she was just that type of person. Nyota did say that she treated the pregnancy as some sort of science experiment," Jim said bitterly.

"After identifying all the victims, can you please do a profile on my stepson? I don't trust his biological mom," Jim said, wanting to know if there were any little surprises in store for him and his husband.

"I'll take care of it," Bones said just as Christine walked in. Technically she was working as a nurse because she was still in med school. Due to the shortage caused by the Nero incident, a lot of cadets were finishing their Academy training on-the-job, so to speak. Christine was one of these. She would be finishing her certification during their extended time on earth.

"Mr. Marcus just woke up and he's asking for someone named Becky, a teddy bear named Mister Spock, and his mother," she explained before going into Doctor mode.

"Fuck!" Jim wanted to cry. He also wanted to ban Christine from saying that name.

"Can I go in there?" Jim asked, not sure what to do. He should probably get Spock, but Jim knew that he was currently with Nyota who was right now trying to get Spock drunk on chocolate to help him deal with this whole mess. Nyota volunteered (Jim begged her) to tell him about David because Jim was not sure he could refrain from bad mouthing his husband's ex-girlfriend. She left to go there an hour ago, but it may have taken her a little while to work up to telling Spock what happened.

"Better you than me. I think I probably would just terrify the kid. I better call Doctor Cruz just in case," Bones said, referring to his husband's personal shrink. Doctor Cruz was actually very good with the Vulcan psyche although Jim wondered how good she was with a kid who just lost his mom and is about to find out he has a dad who is married to another guy. His head hurt badly.

"Where am I? Where's mommy?" David asked as Jim walked into the room. He wasn't that surprised that David could speak in complete sentences. Amanda's daughter T'Pay could do so when she was about two years old. Also, Jim heard some pretty embarrassing stories about what Spock said to some bastard who called him a derogatory name when he was three.

"You're on a big ship called Enterprise. I'm Captain Jim. Where you lived was attacked by bad people, so we came to help," Jim explained. The 2 ½-year-old just nodded his head.

"I'm sick?" The little boy asked, most likely recognizing that he was in a hospital or a doctor's office.

"You were unconscious for a little bit but you're okay now. The grumpy doctor will be here in a little bit to make sure you're okay. Just call him Doctor Bones. Another doctor name Margarita will be in soon too. She always keeps lollipops on her desk even though all her patients are grown-ups. She works with your daddy." Okay, Jim did not mean to tell the boy that. He almost cursed before he remembered he was dealing with a small child. See, this is why he should not be around small children.

"I mean…" Jim stops not sure what to say. How exactly do you explain to a two-year-old that his mother created him with genetic material from your husband without his consent? Jim was an adult and he did not completely comprehend what actually happened.

"Spock?" Okay, Jim was not expecting David to say that.

"You know your daddy's name is Spock?" David answered by nodding his head yes. Jim finally let go of the breath he had been holding. Then he remembered that Christine mentioned he had a stuffed animal name Mister Spock. Maybe Carol wasn't that cruel.

"So your mom told you about your daddy Spock?" Jim asked the boy, but he just shook his head no."

"Becky," the child answered. Jim assumed that the child was referring to Lieutenant Rebecca Murakami. Spock identified her body before Jim decided it was best for Spock to sit out this mission. Apparently, she was a good friend of Carol's before she screwed Spock over. She was the one who filled Spock in on Carol's intentions, if Jim remembers correctly.

"Do you want to meet Spock?" Jim asked. David nodded his head. He quickly sent a text message to Spock asking him to come quickly to sick bay and to bring the giant teddy bear that Jim could not bear to get rid of because Spock got it for him. (He didn't open their bond because he didn't want Spock to hear all his nasty thoughts about Carol.) At least, it would come in handy right now. Jim should probably send somebody down to the planet to get David's toys and other things.

After that, he decided to tell David some of Spock's finer points. He also decided it was best to tell David that he was married to his daddy Spock. The two-year-old didn't quite understand, but he was two. Of course, then he had to ask that question again before Spock got there.

"Where's mommy?" That question felt like a punch to the stomach.

"She's not here," Jim answered, not wanting to say the D word yet. He was waiting for Spock to arrive or at least for Doctor Cruz to come in to supervise so he did not actually traumatize the child.

"Aunt Becky?" Jim repressed the urge to curse at that question. He did not want to be here. He would rather deal with Nero again then tell this sweet little kid that his mom and Becky were dead. The sweetness must be all Spock or probably Amanda. It definitely didn't come from Carol. Although, it could be 'aunt' Becky's influence. She already seemed like a much nicer person than Carol, despite sacrificing her life for her child.

"Spock will be here in a few minutes. Let's do something fun," he suggested, trying to get David's mind off of the whereabouts of his mom and Becky.

"Sing a song." Jim knew lots of songs, probably because of his photographic memory, although the majority of them were not appropriate for a small child. Although he did remember one that his mom sang to him as a little kid. As an adult he discovered that she change the word friend to family.

"Okay, there's one song I remember from when I was little. My mom always sang it when I had trouble sleeping," Jim said, closing his eyes trying not to remember the last time he heard her voice.

"Where is your mommy?" Okay, Jim was really not liking the fact that Vulcan children develop speech so early.

"She died a few years ago," Jim said honestly.

"Died?" David said the word like a question.

"That means that a person is not alive anymore. Their body has stopped working. Okay, I'm not sure how to explain this to you. Doctor Margarita will be here soon and she can help." He hoped to God that the ship psychologist had worked with children before.

"Why dead?" David's question was missing a few words but he still understood. Maybe if he explained what happened to his mom, it might be a little easier to explain what happened to Carol.

"She was hurt by a very bad man and the doctors were not able to help her get better. His name was Frank Williams." At that moment, Bones dropped something in the background and started cursing. "Doctor Bones, the big grumpy doctor who needs to learn to not curse in front of small children, can help lots of people get better, but sometimes people are too sick and he cannot help. Sometimes a person's body just stops working when they get really old or sick." Jim closed his eyes trying not to see either his mother's body or Carol for that matter.

"You're sad," David said as he hugged him. Must be Becky, because he doubted that Carol would be a hugger.

"Yeah. It's okay to be sad. I miss my mom, but even though she's dead I know she loved me. Your mom loved you too," Jim said, completely positive that the small child would not pick up on him using the past tense. He hoped so, at least.

"Let me sing you a song my mommy used to sing to me, okay?"

David just nodded his head and Jim started to sing.*

"_If you ever find yourself stuck in the middle of the sea,_

_I'll sail the world to find you"_

* * *

Spock walked into the sick bay with Nyota and Doctor Cruz behind him.

"If he is already asking about Dr. Marcus, I think it would be better just to tell him the truth. It is not good to lie to children. If you say that she just went away he may feel abandoned," Dr. Cruz explained. Thankfully she did have a pediatric rotation prior to enlisting in Starfleet.

"If he had a maternal bond with her, he can feel her absence, but he is not old enough to process what that means. That may be why he continues to ask about her," Spock explained, remembering what he felt when his paternal grandfather died when he was four years old.

"You're going to have to meld with him at some point to check on that. You are the only one here that can. I'm going to have to consult some of the doctors on the colony who are more familiar with the sort of thing," Doctor Cruz said with a sigh.

"What about addressing the fact that he's Spock's son because 'she who we will not name' decided to 'borrow' Spock's genetic material without permission?" Nyota mentioned.

"It may be best not to tell him about the circumstances surrounding his conception. He may also feel that you don't want him. It may be hard for him to understand, being so young," Doctor Cruz said in a low voice.

"I'm an adult and I don't understand what the crazy B- women did. Great, I am not able to curse now that we have a small child on board. God da—oh, I hate you," Dr. McCoy said, joining their conversation. For some reason, the Doctor seemed more distant than normal.

"Technically, that type of language is inappropriate on a starship," Spock chastised automatically.

"Would you like me to tell everybody what you said at my birthday party when you broke the bathroom sink?" Nyota said, referring to what Spock said when he was having sex with Jim on the bathroom sink. Contrary to what they thought, it could not support James' weight.

"You understood that?" he asked, shocked. Spock knows for a fact he never taught her any of those words.

"Remember, I'm fluent in Vulcan, even the curse words."

"Can we get back to the kid? The good news is he knows who you are. Apparently, his aunt Becky told him about you because I have a feeling the b- that woman would not have told him anything. The bad news is he's asking about Becky and his mommy. Jim is resorting to turning old Bruno Mars' songs into lullabies." Apparently, Doctor David, this is Spock. Don't let the Vulcan exterior fool you. He's a big teddy bear. I know he didn't bring your Mister Spock, but you can borrow my Mister Bear," Jim said as the two-year-old quickly took the bear out of Spock's hand.

"You're daddy Spock?" The young child asked.

"Yes." Surprisingly, David's response was to hug him.

* * *

To be continued. Remember to give me feedback. Reviews, PMs and favorites make me wake up early and work on this story when I should be sleeping.

I also am taking song suggestions. This time I'm trying to do songs for characters and emotions.


	3. Tears of a Vulcan

Thank you to everyone who read or reviewed the last chapter.

**I now have an account on Archive of Our Own and I am in the process of copying all my stories to that website, that I plan to continue or that are completed . At present, I plan to continue posting on ff but I will be posting ****edited**** versions of chapters here. However, if the situation changes, I may be forced to stop posting here. I'm using the same username so a quick Google search should work.**

I did not say this in the first chapter, because my original A/N was already about four pages long, but not every chapter is going to have its own song(s). Some will just go with the overall theme song for the story. Originally, that was going to be the case for this chapter but I got stuck and hated everything I actually wrote. However, iTunes had a sell and I ended up getting Motown number ones. There, I found the classic song that gave me direction.

Inspired by Tears of a Clown by Smokey Robinson and the Miracles.

"_Now if there's a smile on my face_

_It's only there trying to fool the public_

_But when it comes down to fooling you_

_Now honey that's quite a different subject"_

The chapter title is adapted.

* * *

Chapter 3: Tears of a Vulcan

"How can we help?" Those were the words out of Nyota's mouth as soon as Spock walked into the sterile hospital room where his son was waiting. She can see that he is terrified even if he tries to play the big brave Vulcan. She knows better. That stoic face isn't going to fool her. Next to Jim, she is the best at reading Spock and she knows when he is terrified, or any other emotion, for that matter. You can always see it in his eyes. When she sees David hug Spock just as the door closes, she lets out a breath of air she did not know she was holding. Maybe, just maybe this would not turn into the disaster that she was sure it would turn into.

However, to make sure it doesn't become a total disaster, she knows that Spock (and Jim) need her help. She's just not 100% sure how to help. Helping your best friend with the child that suddenly pops into his life because his ex-girlfriend is a manipulative bitch is not covered in command school, or anywhere else for that matter.

"I would ask the same question, but she beat me to it. This has to be hard for the hobgoblin. Even though I despise the cow, it would shake me down to the core to find out that she was dead. Though I think she's a word I'm not allowed to say anymore, she's the mother of my child and I would probably be a drunken blithering idiot by this point, if it were me. Unlike the walking computer, I'm able to acknowledge that without being drugged up. Unfortunately, he's just getting extra Vulcan. I'm willing to listen to your suggestions. I really don't want another visit from Marshall," Leonard told the psychiatrist with a shiver.

Nyota knows that Leonard is right. She was worried about Spock closing down again. It was why she let Jim talk her into telling Spock about David's paternity. Although, maybe her mission to get him drunk Vulcan style was not the most healthy thing to do.

"If it was just what you described, it would be bad, but it's worse than that. Leonard, imagine if your ex just disappeared after you got her pregnant and never told you about your child. Then three years later, she mysteriously pops up in your emergency room after a vicious attack. Not only are you not able to save her, but you discover that she kept the existence of your daughter from you for the last three years. How would you feel?" When explained like that, she can understand why Spock's coping strategy was to hide himself in his bedroom and go into research mode.

"Fuck," the Doctor exclaimed and she gave him a sharp look. "I would probably be punching down the walls. Unfortunately, Spock's reaction is to become a wall."

"You're not allowed to say that word anymore either. Although, it's appropriate under the circumstances," Nyota teased him.

"Not all of us can curse like a sailor in Klingon, Romulan, and Vulcan," Leonard quipped and Dr. Cruz just rolled her eyes. She may have also said something about unresolved sexual tension, but Nyota wasn't familiar with all dialects of ancient Spanish. The psychiatrist tended to go into her native tongue whenever she was annoyed.

"As cliché as it sounds, just being there is a big help. Spock is going to need all of his friends right now. You guys may be the only thing that keeps him from shutting down. That can't happen this time, because there's a little kid in there that needs him." Nyota just nodded her head in agreement.

"Except the big baby has a tendency to push people away whenever he actually has an emotion. I know you read the real report about what happened during the battle of Vulcan," Leonard said with a sigh.

"You mean the fact that he had you knock out his boyfriend because he couldn't deal with him trying to get him to talk about his father's untimely demise. Compared to that, this is already going a lot better. For example, Spock has already acknowledged that he is emotionally compromised, without putting his ex-boyfriend in a coma." If it was anyone else, Nyota would think that the doctor was joking by the way she said that.

"He hasn't kicked Jim out of the room yet, that's progress," Nyota quipped.

"Anything short of running through the halls naked as he carries on a conversation with the walls would be an improvement," the doctor said darkly.

"The medication will hopefully keep 'Marshall' at bay. The most important thing is you need to make sure you don't enable Spock to push you away this time. You have to push back," the psychiatrist advised. "I would say the same thing about Jim but…"

"No one can make Jim Kirk do something he doesn't want to do," Leonard worked out.

"Exactly," Dr. Cruz said. "The other thing is that both Jim and Spock have been thrown into the role of parents without any notice whatsoever under circumstances that would be difficult even if you didn't add in the fact that neither knew of the child's existence 24 hours ago. Spock and Jim are going to need your guidance more than anything else, Leonard. Unlike the rest of us, you have actually raised a small child," Doctor Cruz told Leonard.

"I think the judge that handled my original custody case will disagree with you," Leonard said darkly. The situation with the original 'she who will not be named' is still something that they rarely talk about. Nyota and Leonard were good friends now and their conversation at her birthday party was probably the most that he's really talked about what happened in the last three years.

"Yes, but the new judge and lawyer will completely disagree with the first idiot," Dr. Cruz said with a laugh. The woman rarely laughed and therefore it was not long before a very serious look came across her face.

"That reminds me, we need to contact L. The custody situation on something like this is precarious already, not adding in the fact that the child we rescued is related to someone on board." Nyota tuned out a lot of the legalese after that point. Because her mother decided to kill herself before she turned 18 (just barely), she had the misfortune of dealing with the Federation child welfare system on a very intimate level. Because she doesn't want any child to have to deal with that, she volunteers to handle it. She still had some contacts in Starfleet legal.

"How can we help David?" she asked. Her heart went out to the young boy because they had both lost their mothers. She felt like she had a moral obligation to help, and not just because he was the son of two of her most trusted friends.

"We need to create a stable environment for him. Would you be willing to change rooms? I think it would be good if we could create a space for David that could be his." She knew it was a good suggestion, even if it made her uncomfortable, but she would say yes anyway. She remembered all too well about being forced to live in a new home after everything went psycho. She was just not looking forward to sharing a bathroom with her former roommate and two other people. Also, her new room would be about a quarter of the size but at least she would still have a room to herself.

"Of course, I would be willing to move. You did hear about the incident with the sink at my birthday party?" she said jokingly.

"The whole ship heard about that incident. Therefore, I'm sure you're inclined to have a roommate that won't do that sort of thing," the psychologist said with a gleam that Nyota didn't quite understand.

"I'll do it, this just means I'm going to be spending quality time with my best friend and sharing a bathroom with three other people. Despite the fact that Jim and Spock occasionally used the bathroom for 'private time,' it was nice sharing with two guys who are minimalist when it comes to grooming."

Of course, she doesn't mention the fact that Jim Kirk never quite mastered the art of locking the door and she has walked in on him completely naked taking a regular shower 14 times, she's caught him engaging in 'personal private time' 4 times (all during that month that Spock was on special assignment), and she's caught him with Spock doing things married people do more times than she personally cares to remember. She also is not going to mention the toys that are kept in a nondescript plastic box under the sink. She should probably be a good friend and 'childproof' the bathroom before David can be traumatized any more than he already is.

"Even though technically you're just Second Officer on paper, you're really a first officer. That means that you should take the room next to Leonard." The woman was honestly smirking at that point.

"Yes, but there's that pesky little rule about sharing a suite with people of the same gender. The only reason why that did not apply last time was because my roommates were married and Jim called the regulation something I can't say anymore. I would be sharing a suite with you, if it wasn't for the fact that you're married and in the spouse quarters," she said to the psychiatrist.

Dr. Cruz's husband was a member of Nyota's linguistics team and surprisingly, he was a few years younger than her. Dr. Cruz probably wouldn't even be in Starfleet if she didn't fall in love with a young cadet when she was going through her residency.

"This is Enterprise, we don't follow the rules, especially stupid ones. Besides, if things go well, you two will be in spouse quarters soon." Nyota didn't get to respond to that because they heard the 2 ½-year-old start screaming and crying hysterically. The door opened just in time to see Jim get repeatedly hit with a giant teddy bear.

It just got worse when Jim got called out of the room by their least favorite Admiral, Jackson. David started crying even harder when Jim left, even though he was beating him up with the teddy bear previously. The two doctors were arguing the ethics of sedating the child when she saw Spock touch David's forehead and he instantly calmed down. Dr. Cruz said that it was some sort of Vulcan mental healing technique that Spock was employing. Nyota didn't have the opportunity to see more.

She was called to the bridge just in time to see Jim get in a fight with a wall. The conversation with Jackson had to be bad because she was now acting captain for reasons she's not entirely sure of. Officially, Jim and Spock were on paternity leave for the next few days. She was positive something else was going on, but Jim said she needed plausible deniability. It's never good when he says something like that.

So not only was she now in charge, but she also had to move. Lovely, this just gave her a new reason to hate the wicked bitch. She blames Carol for this disaster.

* * *

Spock can count on his hand the number of times that he had been inside his father's mind. It rarely happened and usually involved some time of great distress such as contracting H1N1V when he was six years old. Despite being violently ill, his father's mental presence was soothing. Spock always assumed that his father did not meld with him frequently because he found his mind to be horribly unorganized and human. According to his grandmother, that assumption was highly illogical. Yet, despite her assertions that his father actually loved him, he doubted that to be the case despite having evidence to the contrary.

Now as Spock held his own child in his arms, he thinks that it is impossible not to love your own child. There is no logic in not allowing yourself to love a being that is an extension of you. Despite the circumstances of his conception, he loves David. It is something instinctive and unquantifiable. Notwithstanding his extensive vocabulary, he cannot verbalize his emotions. There are no words to express how he feels. It is overwhelming.

Because of the instant love, he feels sick when he and James try to explain that Carol is dead. David understands death to some degree, but not completely. He screams for Carol and cries out for Rebecca. He feels David's distress and confusion through his touch. Spock is sure that Carol has raised David by human social norms and that he is unaware of the need to suppress his emotions. Spock is not certain if that is a positive thing in this instance. Although, the fact that David decides to attack Jim with his teddy bear leads Spock to believe that maybe a balance between the two approaches is necessary.

Lieutenant Cruz, Doctor Cruz's husband, notifies Jim that Admiral Jackson desires to speak with him immediately. When the name is said, Spock feels a spike of fear from David. Although, David could be scared because Jim utilized several words that should not be spoken in front of a small child. When Jim leaves the room, David becomes more violent and Spock is not sure how to respond.

Parental instincts take over and he is inside of the toddler's mind. It's sterile and dark. It reminds Spock of a research lab. He wonders what type of life his child lived where his mind resembled a lab. Even as a child, Spock's mind resembled that of his mother's Rose Garden (now it resembles the bedroom of the townhouse where he and James first lived together, down to Jim's dirty T-shirts being everywhere).

There are screens on the walls playing images. There were happy moments such as David playing with his aunt Becky. He could also see images of Carol arguing with Jackson. There was no sound but body language conveyed that this was not a pleasant conversation. Spock is very concerned about what he sees, but this is not the purpose of this venture into his son's subconscious. He needs to find the broken bonds because he is sure that is the major cause of David's distress.

He projects emotions of love and peace. Spock tells David that he is safe and that no one can get him. He knows that it is irrational to pledge something like that but it is something he needs to convey to his child.

He wanders the lab until he finds another room. Spock opens the door to find his own bond with David. It is a strong cord covered with a substance that resembles glitter. For a new bond, it is very healthy. There is a smaller one next to it, yet equally strong. He recognizes the signature as belonging to James. He is surprised that a parental bond is forming. It's not unheard of for an adoptive parent to form such a bond with their Vulcan children. He knew that his mother has a parental bond with her youngest daughter, but it did not occur spontaneously but rather under the guidance of the family matriarch, and then most mind Healers were shocked that a human was able to have such a bond.

Spock left the healthy bonds alone and searched for what would most likely be the broken remains of David's bond with Carol. He finds it in just a few minutes. The bond is broken and ripped apart. It lies in tatters. He was not skilled enough to repair the damage completely. This was one of those skills that he missed out on by choosing an earth-based education and his grandmother has had very little time to improve his skills in this area. However, he was at the point where he could at least lessen David's psychic pain. At that moment, Spock was quite thankful that Carol took actions to make sure David did not see what actually occurred. The pain would be much worse.

* * *

He came out of David's mind after what seemed like mere minutes, mentally exhausted, after he did everything he could for his son. The clock on the wall told him it was 2.3 hours later. Jim was sitting in the chair next to him in a state between sleep and wakefulness. At that point Jim has been awake for 28.3 hours and Spock is not surprised by this behavior.

"You're back! I thought I was going to have to go in after you," Jim said with genuine worry, as he kissed Spock's cheek.

"I am fine," he said, unsure of what else to say. No other response would be truthful because he was anything but optimal. Also, Spock did not want to say he was emotionally overwhelmed because that would require him to specifically discuss his emotions and he was not able to do that at this time, even with James.

"Okay, now you really have me worried. You hate that word. Marshall's not back, is he?" Why does everyone keep asking him that ridiculous question?

"I am not sure if there is another way to express that I am not completely adequate but you should not worry about this, without using that particular descriptor. No, Marshall is not back," Spock explained.

"Okay, we will go with fine. How is mini Spock?" James asked with genuine concern as he ran a hand through David's hair. He probably should warn Jim not to do that but young David most likely needed the physical contact.

"I'm not sure that I like that nickname for our child." He says the word 'our' absently, but when he sees a smile on Jim's face he feels relief. Of course, the bandages on James' hand has Spock very worried.

"What happened to your hand?" Spock asked running his fingers over Jim's damaged hand.

"Jackson was a pr-his usual self and I may have taken it out on a poor unsuspecting wall. Jackson is using the fact that your ex-girlfriend was murdered to keep us from investigating. Thankfully, I was smart enough to take you off the investigation immediately and I have decided to take his order about me not investigating quite literally. I don't want to talk about it." There is something that Jim was not telling him, but he is too mentally exhausted to push.

"Why has the doctor not yet repaired your damaged hand?" Spock asked, referencing the bandages.

"I've been a little too obsessed over you. You were in there a while. I can only imagine how much a woman like David's egg donor could screw with a kids mind." Again he is too mentally exhausted to address the specifics of what James has just said. Spock is concerned about the egg donor reference, but does not have the will to question it.

"He is better," Spock tells his husband with a certain level of uncertainty, but he does not voice it.

"I hope he will no longer be throwing teddy bears at me. Does he blame me for what happened?" This question worries Spock. This was the type of question he asked himself in the aftermath of Vulcan's destruction. Yet, Spock was starting to ask himself this question again.

"It is impossible for him to attack you with a teddy bear again because he is asleep now. How can David blame you for his mother's death when you were not directly responsible for it?" he asked James this question, but his husband looked away.

"It's obvious that he's asleep now," Jim said avoiding Spock's question.

"According to the _Idiots Guide to Parenting_, that your therapist asked me to read, the first rule of being a new parent is you're supposed to sleep whenever your kid is asleep. Now, normally that rule just applies to newborns, but I think it can be applicable to toddlers that have had their entire lives turned upside down in less than 24 hours. You need sleep." Jim's words were more of an order than a suggestion.

"This chair is an adequate place for rest. Due to my Vulcan physiology, I do not need as much sleep. However, I feel it is advantageous for you to return to our quarters," Spock suggested.

"You're really not going to try the 'I am a superstrong Vulcan and therefore I don't need any sleep, even though I have been up for 30 hours and had to deal with finding out I have a child from a woman whose body I also discovered today'? That doesn't work on me and it never has. I'm not leaving you here," Jim said with an expression that Spock knew not to argue with.

"I feel that it would be best for you to leave. However, I realize it is impossible to make you do something that you do not wish to do," Spock said in defeat.

"Good, and it only took you about three years to figure that out. I also knew that you wouldn't leave, so I sweet talked Margarita into ordering Bones to bring another bed in here, but were going to have to share." Because Spock craved being close to James, he did not find this a hardship.

"That is acceptable," Spock said, getting up from the chair.

"I promise I will share the blankets. Also, your supercool therapist brought us hot chocolate," Jim said, pointing to the food and drinks on a small table nearby.

"My psychologist is encouraging inebriation?" Spock asked.

"Just drink the cocoa and enjoy the blanket," Jim said as he pushed Spock onto the bed. Several minutes later, when James was finally asleep in his arms he allowed his eyes and cheeks to become moist.

To be continued


	4. Reach out for me

Thank you to everyone who read or reviewed/left a comment for the last chapter. Also, thank you to everyone that favorite this story or gave kudos.

We have another classic Motown song for this chapter. Again, I was completely stuck on how I wanted to write this chapter until I heard this song again.

Inspired by Reach Out and I'll Be There.

Performed by the Four Tops

Now when you're lost and about to give up

'Cause your best just ain't good enough

And you feel the world has grown cold

And you're driftin' on your own

When you need a hand to hold

Darling, reach out

Reach out, for me.

I'll be there to love and comfort you

* * *

Chapter 4: Reach out for me

There are certain calls that no one in Starfleet likes to make. Anything involving the illness or death of a family member usually falls under this category. Admiral Pike made a lot of those calls over the course of his long Starfleet career and it never got easier. He was secretly thankful for his incapacitation during the Vulcan catastrophe, because it would have killed him to have to make that many calls to unsuspecting mothers, fathers, siblings, or lovers. The one he received about his former first officer was hard enough. The tears always got to him. It broke his heart every time.

Yet, it was worse when he had to tell one of his crewmembers that a family member died. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that in Starfleet death was expected. It seemed like once a week, a redshirt managed to get him or herself blown up. But those living on planet were supposed to be safe, partially because of what they're doing in Starfleet. When something happens that shatters that illusion, it is disconcerting at the very least. The body of a teenager who died of blunt force trauma, most likely at his stepfather's hands, shattered that illusion into a billion pieces.

Christopher wasn't looking forward to telling Jim Kirk that the body found buried in his old barn was that of his brother who disappeared nearly 15 years ago or that the experts are sure he died a very violent death. Chris was trying to delay it as long as possible, but he was already getting pushed from Amanda to just man up and do it. (Don't ask him how she knows, because the woman could get him to confess to the things that the Romulans could not.) He was half tempted to let her call her son-in-law and tell him but technically she wasn't even supposed to know. This would be so much easier if she was with him.

He couldn't wait any longer when he started getting 'special' emails from Jim. The first was a basic status report regarding the massacre on NC17X. Not exactly what you want to read first thing in the morning, especially when Jackson was already pounding on his door. The guy was furious that Jim sent everything to him. He wasn't happy, but Pike reminded him that Enterprise was his ship and anything that happened would be reported to him and not Jackson. Personally, he would love to know how Jackson found out about the report, but Chris is sure that it was probably illegal and would induce a headache. The completely distasteful encounter involved lots of fighting and several unpleasant orders that he now needs to convey to Jim personally, because he sure as hell wasn't letting Jackson do it.

After the meeting with Jackson, that made him want to run over the guy with his chair, he really had no choice but to contact Jim. Due to the sensitivity of the issue a 'live' chat was necessary. Of course, a 'live' chat would be a red flag because everybody in Starfleet knows that when that happens usually somebody is dead.

Of course, he wasn't expecting to see Commander Uhura on screen when he told the junior communications officer to put him through to the captain. The last time she was acting captain, Jim and Spock were kidnapped during a First Contact that went badly and he had to deal with an hysterical Amanda.

"Do I even want to know why you're acting? You'd think after three years they would remember the regulation about not participating in the same idiotic 'guaranteed to get you killed or greatly injured' mission. Jim I understand, but I thought Spock had more common sense than that. Just tell me they're not dead," he said with a sigh.

In the last three years Jim and Spock have been simultaneously incapacitated 14 times. There's a reason why Commander Uhura has most of the traditional roles of first officer. Mostly because he and the majority of the admiralty believe that Jim and Spock will do something on a mission together that will get them both killed eventually, and they needed someone to be in charge. Don't get him wrong, they are a great team, but the two were responsible for the gray hair not caused by Amanda's teenage daughter.

"I'm glad you don't want to know why I'm acting, because I'm not even 100% sure why I'm acting captain right now. Jim just said it was my turn, after a really bad 'call' with Jackson a couple of hours ago." In his head, Pike is almost positive that Jackson visited him after yelling at Jim. That just made him suspicious of Jackson's motives. Also, if Jackson ordered what he told Pike to order, he had a pretty good idea why he was now talking to Acting Captain Uhura. Only Jim would try something like that to circumvent a direct order. Of course, this made Chris wonder why Jackson even showed up at his door this morning, unless he already knew that Jim wouldn't listen to anything coming from the man.

"Jim and Spock are alive and breathing. Due to the bundle of joy we found on NC17X, Jim and Spock may have to actually follow that regulation from now on. They are also preoccupied with said bundle of joy right now," she said with a snicker.

"Bundle of joy? I assume that you're referring to the child that was found. Why would that impact anything?" he asked in confusion.

"Did you get Jim's report?" the acting captain asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes and I have the headache to prove it. Jackson wasn't very forthcoming with explaining why the 2 ½-year-old was at the research facility." Jackson wouldn't answer any questions about that. Although, he did say he wanted the child in Starfleet custody and he didn't consider Enterprise 'Starfleet custody.' That was a red flag right there, considering that any child recovered in such a mission should be placed into Federation custody until guardians can be found, and that would be Jim or Dr. Cruz until they arrived at the nearest Starbase. Something wasn't right.

"I would love to find out the answer to that especially, because he sees David as a science experiment. Check your email for copies of all the messages that Jackson has been sending. Most are direct orders for Jim to stop investigating. Of course, Jim is not in charge at the moment but…" He cuts her off then, knowing where this was going.

"Don't tell me, I need plausible deniability." He also didn't want this to be on the record and unfortunately this conversation was on the record.

"How's the kid doing?" he asked with concern. No child should have to deal with something like that.

"He's sleeping after Spock did what we are referring to as a medical mind meld. It was the only way to calm him down after he found out about his mom and his 'aunt Becky'. It was horrible. He kept crying and throwing his teddy bear at Jim. Jim is now down there sleeping in sick Bay with Spock and his stepson." Okay he wasn't expecting her to say that.

"Stepson?"

"I'm guessing you didn't get that email entitled: 'Congratulate me I'm a stepfather because my husband's ex-girlfriend was a sociopathic bitch that like to play God'," she joked; however, considering this was Jim Kirk, he probably did send Chris an email like that. What followed was a long conversation about the whole sordid situation.

"I think I would've called sooner if I knew any of these details," he said in shock.

"I am sure Jackson intercepted that message or anything else related to baby David. I know what he said to Jim during their initial conversation and the guy wants David away from Enterprise." Chris now understands the strange request involving the child found on the planet. He didn't understand why Jackson wanted the child so badly. Although, it probably has something to do with the fact he doesn't want anyone on Enterprise to look at any of the data files or possibly the child's DNA profile. He almost wondered if the two-year-old bi-species child, created without parental consent, was part of that research.

"I'm not surprised considering the conversation I had with Jackson an hour ago. If I had known this then, I would be asking Jackson harder questions about the two-year-old being at the research facility, considering he was created without his father's knowledge. No wonder he's trying to send his own people to take over the investigation and arranged for Enterprise to be busy playing diplomatic ferry," he said before giving her the details.

He also told her that he was going to do anything in his power to stop that because he doesn't trust Jackson. Most of the new regime didn't trust Jackson at all, so it wouldn't be that hard. He may have also reminded her that Jackson, unfortunately, had applied his orders to Jim, not to the Captain of Enterprise. Therefore, because she was now in charge, she could do what was in the best interest of Starfleet.

"At least, Ambassador Selek will be among the diplomats we will be picking up. That might not be a bad thing," she said, looking away.

"Probably not, considering the situation. He is a recognized mind Healer and that might be needed right now. However, we both know this is just a means to get Enterprise away from that planet. Unfortunately, the connection to Carol gives him enough grounds to justify sending another team to investigate, now that Enterprise has secured the scene, despite the blow to the budget." That was annoying. Jackson nickeled and dimed every other project in Starfleet, but would break the bank for his own special projects.

"Too bad the as-idiot underestimated Jim Kirk. Jim officially prohibited Spock from participating in the investigation to avoid a conflict of interest. Maybe that's why he named me acting captain, to avoid any appearance of impropriety," she said with a twinkle in her eye as she just figured out why she was now acting captain.

"I'm sure that's the reason. Marshall's not back, is he?" he asked, knowing all about that. Other than Richard, he was one of the few that knew how bad things really got during the Nero incident. (That was mostly because Amanda tells him everything.)

"Wait, how do you know about that?"

"You don't think that I wouldn't know if a member of my command team has a history of mental illness?" Chris told her. Of course, the real reason why he knew was Amanda, but he wasn't going to tell anyone that.

"Are you sure it's not because you are practically dating his mom?" she asked so pointedly that he started coughing profusely.

"Maybe you should just let me talk to Jim. These type of calls are not cheap," he said as his breathing started to return to normal.

"Will I need to bring him chocolate or liquor afterward? The fact that you're actually calling and not doing this in an email has me worried. That usually only happens when somebody is dead."

Unfortunately, he couldn't keep a straight face. Her response was to illustrate her vast knowledge of Klingon curse words.

"It's not Amanda?" she asked, worried.

"No." He wasn't even sure he could make that call. It would kill him. Amanda was the most important person in his life right now.

"I didn't think so. You're too calm for it to be her."

"Why does everyone think I'm in love with my best friend?"

"I didn't say love, sir," she said with a smile that he found disconcerting.

"Just put me through to Jim," he ordered.

"Not until I know what I'm going to have to deal with. Jim is my friend and I'm not sure how much more he can take right now. Also, he kind of needs to sleep. He was up for 30 hours straight because of what happened." Considering this was the woman who managed to incapacitate a full-grown Vulcan on the verge of a nervous breakdown for the sake of friendship, he was afraid of her. She may be a subordinate, but she was terrifying. She would do anything for her friends.

"When demolishing the old barn on the Kirk farm property they found the body. A forensic anthropologist has confirmed that the body is that of George Samuel Kirk, Junior." Again, he heard lots of Klingon curse words before he was able to explain the details of what happened. She became extremely detached as he spoke.

"I will tell him," she said sternly without blinking.

"No, I need to," he argued back.

"Not right now. It's been a bad couple of hours. Jim is already upset that he got there too late to save anybody but David. Then, he finds out that the child he rescued is his husband's biological child created by means and for reasons unknown. Finally, we have been having to deal with Jackson, who keeps calling and sending emails like crazy. Which is why your call was sent directly to me," she explained. He was definitely going to have to speak to Jackson earlier than planned.

"I really think I should do it," he argued again. If this was anyone else he would consider this insubordination.

"I'll take care of it, Admiral. Besides, we are starting to lose our signal and you should concentrate on making sure Jackson doesn't get his hands on David or get rid of the research material left behind." He's not surprised that the captain of Enterprise hung up on him. (It wouldn't be the first time.) He's just surprised _she_ did. Considering that she's the Chief communications officer, when she is not acting, he is sure that he will not be able to get back through for hours, if not days.

Of course, he knows Amanda could get through and he probably should go break the news about the grand baby as gently as possible.

* * *

How exactly do you tell your closest friend that the body of his brother, who has been missing for the last 15 years, has been found in his old barn? Even under the best of circumstances, that would be a difficult conversation. She remembered all too well making that highly uncomfortable call to her aunt when the paramedics were unable to revive her mom. She hated giving this type of news. She has only had to do it a couple of times in the line of duty and each time it hurts.

Maybe she should have allowed Pike to do it, but she was sure Jim would take the news better from her. At least, he could curse at her and not worry about being brought up on charges. (Of course, she probably will get in trouble for the 'communications malfunction' if anyone will be able to prove what she did. Fortunately, she's friends with most of engineering and they've taking care of it. Besides, it was worth the risk to avoid further communication from Jackson. You can't violate orders that you don't receive.)

She had a very long talk with Leonard, mostly against her will, because he caught her crying in her brand-new bathroom when she moved the first of her things in there. (She's 100% positive Dr. Cruz was playing matchmaker with the room assignment, but she'd rather share a bathroom with Leonard than Gaila.) Leonard pretty much told her that she had to tell Jim the first chance she got. Delaying would just make it worse. Of course, she wasn't expecting that to happen an hour later when she finally had a chance to move everything else out of her old room for David.

"You really don't have to do this," Jim said as he folded one of her many uniforms into a box.

"We can come up with some other arrangement for David. Besides, he won't even leave Spock right now. I'm pretty sure I'm going to be sharing my bed and husband with a 2 ½-year-old for at least the next month." Considering that Jim was not smiling, he was not joking at all. After David woke up this morning, he wouldn't let go of Spock. He has even followed Spock into the men's room.

"Although, maybe you are looking for an excuse to be Bones' new neighbor," Jim said with a lascivious smirk that she wanted to wipe off his face as quickly as possible.

"Is David still holding on to Spock for dear life? I'm personally surprised he managed to maneuver through the cafeteria with a two-year-old clinging to his leg. " She mentioned this to avoid all Bones-related comments, but that really did happen this 'morning'.

"Essentially yes, but it's been less than 24 hours. Margarita said things should calm down once he is sure that Spock will not just disappear. Spock said his emotions are all over the place and the physical contact is soothing. Once your BFF gets here with his personal effects, maybe he will calm down just a little."

In an effort to honor the letter of the law and not its spirit, they sent Gaila to go down with the security team to retrieve David's things and try to recover as much data as possible. Jackson specifically ordered Jim not to do that, but he didn't say anything about anyone else on Enterprise. After listening to Jim's conversation with Jackson, she knew it was best to not follow these particular orders. Something wasn't quite right. When the lab was attacked, someone initiated the self-destruct sequence and most of the computers were fried.

Under normal circumstances, the research was gone for good. However, Enterprise has three of the top computer minds in the galaxy. Short of incineration, it was still highly probable that they can recover everything.

"I thought Vulcans don't like being touched," she said, sort of confused. "Spock only lets me hug him on my birthday," she joked.

"Not by hostile strangers or horny cadets who have a crush on their professor," he said, referring to her extremely embarrassing behavior at the Academy. "But being held by a parent that loves you unconditionally can be quite comforting. At least, that's what my husband told me and that does explain why he secretly made out with me when I was convinced we were just friends." She laughed at that. Really, it was hilarious that he was completely oblivious to the fact that Spock was hitting on him for about nine months.

"I think it's just easier for everybody if I relocate because I know you're not going to want a 2 ½-year-old interrupting fun chess playing make out sessions," she said laughingly. Maybe if she keeps the conversation light she can get around to telling him about Sam.

"Very funny," he said, folding another of her uniform tops. Okay, she was never going to be able to tell him about his dead brother.

"You know you don't have to help. Don't you have captain things to do?" she asked, because the longer he stayed here the more likely she was going to be forced to tell him about Sam and she really did not want to.

"No, because you're captain now and that means you have to deal with Jackson. May I just say, I think your solution of us having unexpected 'communications issues' is brilliant."

"I didn't do anything to the communication system. You know we have problems sometimes," she said, not looking at him.

"Don't tell me, I need plausible deniability. I don't blame you for avoiding Jackson. Although before your brilliant move he did already order me not to go anywhere near the lab. As you know, despite the exorbitant expense, he's planning on sending his own special team to clean up. Apparently because my husband's ex-girlfriend was one of those slaughtered, I have a conflict of interest and therefore should not take part of the investigation," Jim said with annoyance.

"I know I may have played back that particular conversation after you stepped down to avoid said conflict of interest. Also, I realized he didn't say anything about sending another computer genius down there to recover everything before his cleanup team gets here."

"God, you're good. I'm glad I'm not the only one who does not trust Jackson. Something is just not quite right about this entire situation. For example, why was David even on the planet? The new regulation about kids on missions has not gone into effect yet. Also, why does he want us to turn David over to the security team, when we're going to be carrying a bunch of delegates back to earth anyway, even if he wasn't related to anyone on board?" She has been thinking the same thing. The scientific mission on NC17X is essentially an urban legend of Starfleet. Considering that its scientific designation is very close to the old earth rating for explicit movies, there were a lot of dirty jokes about the mission. It would be highly ironic if it did have something to do with bioengineering or the creation of life. Unfortunately, they're not going to have any idea what's really going on until the team recovers something.

"I don't blame you for being suspicious. I know I am," she told him honestly.

"This whole thing has been suspicious since we got the distress call. One of the scientists murdered everyone else and easily got away. I sent a report about what happened to only Pike and somehow Jackson knew about it before the message even arrived in San Francisco. My stepson is 43% Vulcan, when he should only be a quarter and we're not completely sure what type of project they were working on. Also, Jackson is in charge, which right there sends a giant red flag up. The guy should've been kicked out with everyone else after the great purging, but somehow Jackson gets to stay around because of some ministry project that is so classified that I barely have the clearance to know that there is such a project."

"That still doesn't explain why you're helping me. You really don't have to."

"I feel like I owe you. You're helping me deal with the Jackson thing. Again the communications thing was brilliant."

"I didn't do anything. And if I did, it wasn't just about Jackson. I- where is Spock?" she asked abruptly. She just couldn't bring up Sam.

"Father-son therapy session with Doctor Cruz. I thought I would give them a moment." She translates that as 'I'm helping you pack because I don't want to deal with the big scary therapist and toddler'. "Besides, I should help you turn this into David's room," he said as an excuse.

"So that's why you're here. I'll be fine. Go and find your husband. I'm sure he can use you. Have you even talked to him about everything?" she said poignantly.

"I'm not trying to avoid him." Nyota just gave him the look again. "I'm not. Okay, I may be trying to avoid Margarita, but she scares me with the parenting books and other things. Spock and I talked a little this morning before David woke up and was discharged from sick Bay. We don't want to say anything around David that will upset him." That would sound logical to anybody but her. She knows that Jim and Spock talk to each other in their heads most of the time.

"Yes, but you guys don't always need words."

"It's a little hard even psychically with David around. He kind of picks up on everything right now. He's essentially psychically eavesdropping without even trying," Jim explained with a sigh.

"Everything?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I'm not sure, but I do not want to find out. I think we traumatize the child enough. Also, he keeps throwing his teddy bear at me." She laughs at that before she notices Jim sad expression and shuts up quickly.

"Why?"

"I personally think he's mad at me for not saving his mommy or more likely his 'Becky'. The first time was after Spock and I told him about everything." She remember that.

"Yet, that's not the worst reaction you have received from a grieving person. Didn't someone punch you once?" she said, looking poignant. She hoped his reaction wouldn't be that bad when she told him about Sam. She knew he would never hit her, but the wall was fair game. How was she going to do this?

"Yes, and I really don't want to find out how strong a two-year-old Vulcan is," Jim said with a shiver.

"You're freaking out for no good reason. He's two!" she exclaimed.

"My brother blamed me for my dad dying and two-year-olds are even less rational than four-year-olds." Her face fell as soon as he mentioned Sam. She hoped that he didn't see that.

"I doubt your brother really thought that." It took all of her inner strength to repress the desire to cry as she spoke.

"That's what Sam said when we were little. It's not like I can ask him about it now. He's been gone for a long time. I kind of wish he was still around so I could ask what it's like to lose a parent from the perspective of a four-year-old." Her only response was to hug him. She couldn't tell him the truth. The words were stuck in her throat. "A part of me hopes that someday he will pop up on one of these distant planets alive and happy." She wanted to cry but couldn't because that would tell him too much. "I have no idea what I'm doing right now. I just wish I had a mom or a brother to talk to."

"You still have a mother-in-law who is currently raising a four-year-old. You'll be fine. You're good at jumping in headfirst," she said, pulling out of the hug as she put on a fake smile.

"I don't want to be Frank." The name made her shiver. After her talk with Pike, she had a pretty good idea who killed Sam. It was probably the same bastard who killed his mom. She felt sick.

"You won't be. Go play with your stepson before you have captain things to do. You know I hate taking over for you longer than absolutely necessary," she said, literally pushing him towards his own room.

Once he was gone, she was halfway tempted to break into her emergency alcohol stash, but she remembered that was already safely in her new bedroom. She needed a drink and therefore decided to take the things already packed to her new room. Considering she was acting, she probably will get called out again at any moment. She was glad nobody saw her in the hallway because she was already on the verge of tears. She barely made it to the safety of her new room before she was crying. She was too distraught to engage the privacy lock and Leonard walked in on her. Because she knows how thin the walls really are, he must have heard her crying.

"Are you okay?" he asked with concern.

"I couldn't tell him," she said with another sigh

"Who is this 'him' you are referring to? 45% of the crew self-identifies as male," Leonard joked as he wrapped an arm around her.

"Jim. I couldn't tell him about Sam. I tried to and I just couldn't do it. For some odd reason, during our conversation about how much he is terrified of his new child, he mentioned how much he wishes he could talk to Sam about the current situation with David and I almost lost it. I barely got out of the room without crying or throwing up," she told him, sobbing again.

"It's okay," he told her as he held onto her.

"No, it's not."

"We can try again in a few days." She noticed his 'we' instantly.

"Will you go with me this time?" she asked.

"Of course, darling," he said as he placed a kiss on her forehead. She didn't want to think about the traitorous part of her mind that wishes he would've kissed her lips instead.

* * *

Kids scared the hell out of him, and not just in the hypothetical. They didn't like him either. Okay, that wasn't true. Nyota can probably produce dozens of cute cuddly pictures of him posing with small children hanging on his every word. Bones little girl absolutely adores him along with his baby sisters-in-law. Although, the two oldest were at that age where the admiration was taking the form of a little crush.

However, Jim raising his own children was a completely different story Yesterday's little fiasco showed him that. David showed him that. That wasn't the strangest response he has ever gotten from a grieving crew member, but this was a lot more painful. The fact that David asked for his aunt Becky again this morning, made it a lot worse. (He has yet to have time to analyze why baby Spock has not been crying for the wicked witch that will not be named.). He just couldn't bear to see that look that said 'I hate you because you couldn't save my mommy'. He knew that look. He received it every single time they had visited the new Vulcan colony in the last three years. Of course, coming from his stepson it was a lot worse.

He was avoiding his own quarters because he can't deal with a baby Spock (big Spock said that he can't use mini Spock anymore) looking at him like he shot his puppy. That was why Jim was hiding in Nyota's room next door. Besides, thanks to Margarita's brilliance or insanity, and his need to outsmart Jackson, Nyota was in charge for the next 48 hours and was being forced to move to another room. She needed his help and maybe a little push for her to jump Bones in the bathroom. He was almost willing to put money on the fact that something would happen before they made it to earth in 5.2 weeks. Of course, Nyota being Nyota, she was forcing him to deal with his fears. It was so hypocritical of her. He was so going to get her back. Maybe as soon as the 'communications malfunction' was over he will make her call her father.

He walked into his bedroom to see Spock with purple paint on his nose and Green paint in his hair. He had to stifle a giggle when he saw little handprints all over the plush white couch that Spock just had to have for their quarters. He was going to let Spock explain to the budget people why that needed to be replaced. David was currently sitting in front of Spock drawing something involving lots of black and red. That's probably not a good sign.

The fact he was getting an 'I am an absolutely horrible father' vibe from Spock was not making the situation any better. He was picking up a lot of frustration and confusion.

"I thought finger painting would be considered a cultural taboo for Vulcans?" Jim asked as he kissed his husband chastely as a means to break the tension. He remembered from his own childhood that he didn't like seeing Frank practically molest his mother, so he was keeping the PDA use to a minimum to keep the future therapy bills from getting completely outrageous.

"Dr. Cruz suggested art therapy as a means to help David deal with the situation at hand. I felt it is in our best interest to raise David by human social norms rather than Vulcan norms since that is what he is most accustomed to." That was Spock Speak for 'I will raise my child anyway I feel like and if my kid wants to finger paint, he will finger paint'. He has a feeling there's probably a story there. Especially considering the image of Jim currently on his nightstand that was obviously painted by someone older than two.

"Shouldn't Margarita be here to monitor David's efforts?" he asked, not sure if he wanted to talk to the doctor. He liked Margarita, but not when she was trying to analyze his daddy issues.

"She was here until she asked the question about…" Spock started, but he was unable to continue.

"You know who?"

"I despise that moniker."

"Yes, but neither one of us want to use her name, especially because of baby Spock," Jim told his husband.

"That may be best considering David's response of pouring purple paint on her." Jim laughed and Spock gave him the 'you're being an idiot' look. He could also tell that Spock completely feels like he felt because of what happened.

"David has just resumed painting after a 15 minute timeout." Okay he and Spock will definitely have to work on coming up with creative punishments. He was picking up more vibes of frustration and disappointment from Spock.

"_You're not a complete failure. Neither one of us has parented a small child before. We were expecting at least nine months to practice. We can get through this. If we can take on Romulans, we can deal with a small child. As long as we are together, we can do anything," _Jim told his husband mentally, more for his sake than Spock's. Maybe if he said it enough, he will actually start believing it.

"I know you're upset and angry at just about everyone right now, but throwing paint is not appropriate and you shouldn't have done that, David," he said, walking over to the small boy and sitting down beside him. He uses a kind tone, not the screaming that the evil stepfather used. His only guide for this situation is to do the exact opposite of what Frank did. The two-year-old was currently beating up a piece of paper, as paint splattered everywhere. He wondered how Margarita found drawing paper and old-school finger paint.

"I don't want to talk," the two-year-old said, going back to his painting.

"You don't have to. We can just paint," he said, grabbing a sheet of paper.

"Sorry I threw Mister Bear at you," he said, looking at Jim with Spock eyes. They were adorable on the two-year-old.

"It's okay. Someday you're going to have to ask your daddy what he did to Cupcake when his daddy died." Of course, David's response to that was to get up and give him a hug, resulting in child size hand prints being on the back of his uniform. Spock's response was to mentally reassure him that they would get this parenting thing eventually, and that he has already found several ways to get ancient finger paint out of uniforms.

To be continued.


	5. Love is Blind and Clueless

Thank you to everyone who read or reviewed the last chapter. There may not be too many more updates between now and mid-May. I am going to focus on getting Starfleet Family Values done before the new film comes out. I also am tempted to wait on writing more chapters until after the film comes out so I can decide how much of that film is going to be incorporated into the story or if I'm going to ignore it completely. (For those of you who read my Ugly Betty story Gossip Mode Style, that I did live with the final season, you know that I can work with anything the writers can throw at me.) Of course this story is already unbelievably AU just for the fact that Amanda is alive. I may do one more chapter before then but it just depends on how much time I have. I cut this chapter short so I could post something sooner rather than later and I may do that next time to prevent digital pitchforks. I would love to hear your opinion on this.

Inspired by

Love is Blind by Eve

I suggest listening to the whole song because I can't choose just a few lines.

Keep Ya Head Up by Tupac

"But please don't cry, dry your eyes, never let up

Forgive but don't forget, girl keep your head up

And when he tells you you ain't nuttin don't believe him

And if he can't learn to love you you should leave him

Cause sista you don't need him

* * *

**Chapter 5: Love is Blind and Clueless**

She sat in Christopher's office shocked and slightly angry and it had nothing to do with an entire day of Vulcan Council mind games. She was already having a difficult week because a certain odious Vulcan who wanted her job keeps undermining her despite the decision of the Council to not decide on her fate at the moment. In the past, he just questioned her proposals and called her various synonyms for prostitute when no one was around to hear him.

Now he has resorted to mind games on a much more public scale. This included press conferences where he called her out directly. Although, at least he stopped mentioning her humanness as something abhorrent after his office was inundated with negative emails. Amanda is sure that he or his staff were responsible for an unflattering and extremely false story about her engaging in a sordid sexual relationship with a certain member of the admiralty for the entire course of her marriage that was now making the rounds through the net. Actually, several articles of a similar nature have come out during the last few weeks. Considering that this man has called her a Vulcan word that literally means "female who sleeps with farm animals for money," she sure that he is responsible.

Just this morning he sent an interior designer to her office to get it ready for when, not if, he takes over her seat. She knew that was done solely to unnerve her. If it wasn't for Chris constantly telling her to ignore the idiot in question, she would just give up. But Chris believed that she could deal with anything, including Sank's power-play, so she did too. The whole reason why she ended up in Chris's office was that she needed his comforting touch—words.

Because she had Chris's emotional support, Sank's games did not have their intended effect. Although this may also have something to do with the fact she was no longer worried about Spock losing his hereditary seat, but only keeping her own position on the Council until Spock was ready to take over. Although T'Panda has yet to find a way to prove her Vulcan citizenship to the satisfaction of the Council, they were able to prove that Spock was Sarek's official heir because he filled out the necessary paperwork naming Spock so. Sarek was smart enough to have the documents saved in multiple places off planet. She was shocked to find out that despite the precarious state of their personal relationship, Sarek formally named Spock his successor if Amanda was no longer living at the time of his death. (He probably assumed that was going to be the case, not expecting to precede her in death, even if he did prepare her for the inner workings of the Council. That's okay because she wasn't expecting it either.)

This will prevent Sank from taking the family seat, but if they cannot prove her Vulcan citizenship, she won't even be able to serve as Spock's proxy according to a new change that a certain council member managed to pass in a closed-door session that was barely legal and she wasn't told about until after the fact. Non-Vulcan proxies were no longer allowed and therefore Spock would either have to leave Starfleet or give up control of the seat to the next of kin. She was almost tempted to have a certain computer genius create the same background for her that she created for her other child, but now that things were nowhere near as chaotic, Amanda doubted that such documentation would be able to pass as authentic again. She was hoping that her late husband placed all necessary documentation on an off planet server, but they haven't found anything yet.

A part of her wondered if her ally was really helping her or merely using her for her own purposes. Amanda wasn't entirely sure if T'Panda truly no longer desired to be with Spock and was merely using her as a means to curry favor. Of course, she could just be doing exactly what she said, which was to make sure that Spock could hold onto to the family seat so that his future children will be able to inherit once the laws were adjusted to recognize heirs created via gestational carrier.

Of course, her main purpose for this was to make sure that her future children, that she wanted to have with Spock, would get to claim that seat or at the very least would get to claim her seat. Of course, that wouldn't happen now due to the news she had just heard (if they actually got the stupid rules change to recognize heirs created outside of a bonding, her previously unknown grandson David would be the first in line).

She never liked Carol. She never trusted the woman and always felt she had an ulterior motive for her interactions with Spock. Personally, Amanda wished that Spock was never assigned to work with Carol due to somebody else getting sick. Her using him as a means to satisfy her curiosity hurt Spock profoundly, and if it wasn't for Jim she doubted Spock would ever be willing to open his heart that much again.

Of course, Amanda never suspected that she would do something so horrible as to create a child without her son's consent and then hide said child from his father and grandmother. Amanda was most upset about the fact that her grandchild was kept away from her for nearly 3 years and he almost died without her even knowing that he existed. It was almost unthinkable that anybody would do such a thing, but she'd always found Carol to be quite selfish. Amanda even had a hard time believing the part of the story where the young woman sacrificed herself to protect her child. Amanda will give her the benefit of the doubt because she knew she would do the same for any of her children.

When she saw the images of David, she just knew this was her grandson. He has her smile, Sarek's ears, and the sweetness of Spock at that age. Other than hair color, David got very little from Carol, which Amanda was thankful for. Considering how light Jim's hair was, they can always tell David that they chose an egg donor with that trait so he would look like his other daddy when he was older. She wanted to wipe out all traces of Carol from existence. She despised the woman. How dare she keep a grandchild from her? If she was alive, Amanda would kill her with her bare hands. She actually broke the glass that she was drinking from when Chris told her.

Amanda had so many questions for Chris (and her son, once he actually called her). Why did Carol do this? Why would somebody kill all the scientists? Did what happened have anything to do with what they were researching? Why was David at a Starfleet research facility when the rule change about children does not even go into effect for another 73 days? Why was Admiral Jackson trying to cover-up whatever happened on that planet by sending his own people, despite the great expense at a time when she had trouble getting grant money to feed the poor? How was her son handling his sudden foray into fatherhood? More importantly, how was Jim handling it?

She was more worried about her son-in-law, mostly because she was now completely aware of how crappy his childhood truly was. After they found Sam's body, Chris was kind enough to let her see every police report related to Frank Williams. Chris tried to fill in the blanks, but it was hard for him to talk about the woman who he considered a mentor during the early part of his Starfleet career. Amanda was pretty sure Jim's fears about fatherhood were caused by the fact he was raised by such a horrible person.

After spending decades in the child advocacy world, she doesn't understand why anybody in their right mind would have allowed Mr. Williams to retain custody of his two stepchildren. A couple of weeks before Sam's 'disappearance,' James ended up in the hospital with three broken ribs, a shattered pelvis, and internal bleeding. Because Frank's family owned Riverside for all intents and purposes, child welfare services didn't have the good sense to remove Jim and Sam. Maybe if they had done their job, she wouldn't be planning a funeral for a boy who didn't make it to 16.

That was one of the other things making her miserable this week. Jim had told her how hard it was for him to plan his mom's funeral, complete with scattering of her ashes. He also mentioned something about running away to get completely drunk after Frank had the audacity to show up at the funeral (not that she blamed him, considering she was sedated for the first six months after Sarek died). Now that Jim has a two-year-old to take care of, he wouldn't have time to do it. It was the least she could do for a man that she considered her other son.

Despite all the questions she had, only one would come out, "Why didn't Spock tell me this himself?" She always believed that she and Spock had a good relationship where he could tell her anything. That included his horrible disaster of a relationship with the guy who he put in a coma. So she's a little upset that Spock didn't trust her with this. She should be hearing this from Spock not Chris.

"Well, technically Enterprise is having long-range communications issues. I'm sure he would have contacted you otherwise," Chris said as he avoided eye contact. That usually meant he was lying to her by omission if nothing else. She was good at telling when he was lying to her.

"Why am I sure there's more to this than that?" she asked.

"I haven't been able to get back in contact with the ship since I called to let Jim know about Sam and was informed that you are a grandmother. I'm sure it's intentional, but I could never prove it," he said with a sigh. She could see Jim doing something like that as a sort of temper tantrum of a response to what happened.

"How did he take the news?" she asked, slightly worried.

"I don't know because I didn't get to tell him. Nyota said she would break the news at a more opportune time and then said that they were having transmission issues and the feed went dead. Of course, before the line went dead it was suggested that I look into why Jackson was trying to get custody of your newly discovered grandchild." Now, after being married to a politician for several decades and working with other politicians for the last three years, she's able to understand what she's not being told. The feed was purposely cut so Chris could not break the news to Jim.

"I knew I always like that girl," she said with admiration.

"I thought you told me that you did not like the fact that she was trying to sleep with your son when she was at the Academy?" he told her with a smirk.

"I like her, just not as a future daughter-in-law." Chris chuckled at that.

"There may be also Jackson-related reasons why Enterprise is having communications issues, but you didn't hear that from me."

"You can't be punished for ignoring orders that you never received," Amanda mumbled under breath. "So what's the other reason why I'm finding out about my grandson from you?"

"Because what happened on that planet is about as top-secret as you can get at this point and that includes David's existence. Spock cannot tell you about it," Chris said in all seriousness.

"Then why are you telling me about it?" she asked, slightly confused. She knew that despite their personal relationship, Chris would never tell her something that he wasn't supposed to.

"Because I don't feel like getting punched out when you find out. Besides, you have a top-secret clearance and obviously a need to know."

"Considering David is my grandchild, I really have a need to know," Amanda said just as her personal communicator chirped.

"You know you're not supposed to bring those things in here?" Chris said with a chuckle.

"I forgot," she said sheepishly. It was a call from her daughter's preschool. It was the third call this month because her four-year-old doesn't play well with others, or rather others don't play well with her. She gets bullied a lot for having pointy ears and the ability to read on a seventh grade level at four. Both of her daughters get in a lot of fights and she gets a lot of phone calls. Amanda told herself that if she did it once, she could do it again, but it really was so much easier when she had a husband. She just hopes that T'Pay did not do any property damage this time. The four-year-old didn't know her own strength.

* * *

Chris decided to go with Amanda to deal with the four-year-old situation because young T'Pay likes him and respects his authority (unlike her big brother and his husband). Sometimes she calls him Admiral daddy and he really doesn't have the heart to correct her. Amanda said it was okay because he was the most solid male role model in her life.

Okay, maybe he went with Amanda so he could prolong his time with her. He enjoyed anytime he slept— he means, _spent_ with her. Sex was not part of their relationship and it wasn't going to be. Considering he was in a wheelchair, he doubted that was going to be a part of his life with anyone for a long time, not that he thinks of Amanda like that because he doesn't, really he does not.

In all honesty, anything else would have been preferable to spending time around Admiral Jackson. The man was currently flipping out over the fact that he still can't get a hold of Enterprise after 24 hours and he was taking it out on Chris by being as nasty as he could. Chris despised the fact that the prick technically outranked him. Chris tried to remind the man that it was normal for a ship to go off-line for a little bit, especially if they are in an extremely remote place.

Of course, the man ran away as soon as Chris asked any questions about David. He still has yet to receive an explanation of why the two-year-old was at the research facility in the first place. Also, according to Jackson's assistant, who used to be Pike's assistant before Jackson took him away to be spiteful, Jackson broke a chair and a window when he found out that Spock now had legal custody of David (he was sure that Dr. Cruz had some friends in the legal department and that Enterprise had no problems whatsoever getting transmissions from that office).

It was reported that he broke another window when he found out that David was being given permission to stay on Enterprise until the ship arrived back on earth. The video file that he just received proved that to be the case. Watching it repeatedly kept Chris entertained on the ride to the school.

Preston Academy was one of the better private schools in the San Francisco area, filled with children from all over the galaxy, and had stellar academics. It had top-of-the-line equipment and teachers that knew not to touch the telepathic kids. From what he's heard from his two favorite girls, Mrs. River (he was informed by T'Pay that her favorite teacher had a wife last week) is an excellent teacher and was the only one who had had the chance to keep the young Vulcan from doing all sorts of crazy things. She also could keep the bullying down to a minimum, which others couldn't do. Any other teachers would have given up on T'Pay after summer session. That was probably because they couldn't deal with a four-year-old that actually was smarter than they were. The year before, T'Pay went through six babysitters and three different preschools.

However, Mrs. River could handle her better than most to the point where she was only calling Amanda on a weekly basis and not daily. This time T'Pay locked herself in the bathroom after one of her classmates called her certain things that Mrs. River would not repeat over the phone. After an hour they still have not been able to get her out of the bathroom.

It probably helped that unlike her predecessors, Mrs. River wasn't some hapless twenty something whose only exposure to small children happened when they were a child. According to his favorite little Vulcan, her teacher was in her 50s and had a daughter named Georgia, who was a couple years older than T'Pay, who played with her after school whenever Amanda was kept away by the Council of the idiots and the babysitter was unavailable. That was happening more since that asshole started actively trying to strip Amanda of her Vulcan citizenship and Council seat. Considering how much T'Pay talked about Georgia, the older girl was probably her best friend.

Because both Amanda and T'Pay spoke so highly of this Mrs. River after only a few weeks of school, he wanted to meet her. When he saw the dark headed woman and her young daughter pleading with T'Pay, he sincerely wished that he had gone to parents' night with Amanda last month. He recognized that voice because he heard it every single day for two years when they served together on the Clinton. Winona Kirk was (?) a good friend of his.

They first met when he was trying to finish his dissertation on the Kelvin. He may have come off as a bit of a George Kirk fan boy, even though he wasn't trying to. She was still nice to him despite that. They started to build a friendship after that, until she decided to marry the asshole. He didn't hear from her again for nearly a decade. That was immediately after the Tarsus incident and she was doing some cultural program on Vulcan. She mostly apologized for not listening to him. Unfortunately, his suspicions about Frank were very right.

Their friendship continued where it left off, even though they were both in various parts of the galaxy. She was the one who tried to talk him into making a move on 'Number One'. Chris wished he would have listened to her now. Unfortunately, he was too stubborn.

Winona was just as stubborn. He told her not to go back to Frank after the guy showed up at her door telling her that he had changed. Chris knew people like that did not change, but Winona wanted to see the best in him. She was too much of an optimist for Chris's personal taste. The only good thing was she opted not to renew their wedding vows.

Calls and emails became less frequent, and he found out why when he stopped by her house one time when he was babysitting cadets in Riverside. There wasn't enough makeup in Iowa to cover her bruises. If he had actually run into Frank at that moment, he would have met with Chris's Phaser and it would not have been on stun. That outcome was more likely to happen now in light of what was found at the old Kirk family farm.

He had tried to get her to leave again, but she wouldn't. He was half convinced that she was convinced that if she left, Frank would kill her. At that point, he knew that was going to be the outcome regardless. She stopped returning his calls. She called him one last time to let him know that the asshole got her pregnant at the age of 47. Pregnancy in your late 40s and 50s wasn't that unusual nowadays considering 60 is now middle-aged for most people, but it wasn't something she wanted under the circumstances. She was crying hysterically the entire time. He made her promise that she would get out. She also made him promise that if anything happened to her, he would look after Jim.

Three weeks later, she did get out, in a body bag. If it wasn't for 'Number One' holding him back, Frank would have joined her. That prick had the audacity to show up to help the family mourn a life that he took.

Jim was nowhere to be found. He found out a few years later that Jim was getting completely wasted at the same bar Chris found him in a year later. It took him a little while, but he did keep his promise to his presumably late friend to look after her son. Although apparently she wasn't as late as he thought she was.

His suspicions were confirmed to when she turned around and he saw her eyes widen as she recognized him. He was thankful for his chair, because if he had been standing, he would've collapsed. It's not every day that someone you assumed to be dead for nearly 7 years turns out to be your girl—friend's daughter's preschool teacher.

Because the school day ended about 30 minutes ago, the room was devoid of all other children except for who he assumed to be Georgia. She looked like Winona with an unfortunate amount of Frank in there. The name Georgia cemented in his mind that this woman was Winona. Of course, she would name her daughter after her late husband and child.

"Sorry we couldn't get here sooner. Traffic is a nightmare from the Academy to here," Amanda said as they walked into the room.

"I know." Chris was sure Winona did, considering she spent a good four years at the Academy.

"I'm sorry I had to call you. Your nanny freaked out and pretty much quit." That was the fourth nanny this year. Because of her job, Amanda needed someone to take care of the kids after school sometimes, because her hours were a little unpredictable at times and she still felt T'Pend was too young to be left unattended for long periods of time. Unfortunately, due to the girls' penchant for science experiments and hacking into computer systems that they should not be breaking into, they had a tendency to scare people off quickly.

"You must be Admiral daddy. T'Pay talks about you all the time. Although, I had no idea that Admiral daddy was the great Christopher Pike, who finally decided to get married. Although, I really don't watch the news that much, so I wouldn't know," Winona said, looking at him directly with a smile that scared him.

"We are not— Chris is just a friend— T'Pay calls him that because he's the closest thing she has to a father because I'm a widow," Amanda stammered out as she was blushing. He would say something similar but he was in a little too much shock at the moment from the fact that he had just found out that Winona Kirk was not dead. "I'm going to go see if maintenance has a key or a code for the bathroom," Amanda said, as an excuse to get out of there as fast as possible. Of course, she turned around seconds later. "Where is the maintenance office?"

"I can show you, Dr. Grayson," the little girl said, grabbing Amanda's hand and dragging her out of the room.

"I see that reports of your death have been greatly exaggerated, Winona," he said, turning to her as soon as Georgia left the room.

"I see that you're still too afraid to let the woman that you love actually know that you love her. You'd think that you would know better after what happened last time." If there were any doubt left in his mind that this woman was Winona Kirk, it was gone.

To be continued.


	6. Every Story has Two Sides

Thank you to everyone who read or reviewed the last chapter a good three months ago. Also thank you to Unforgiven1290 for being the beta on this chapter. I really was planning on doing one more update before the new film came out but I became preoccupied with finishing Starfleet Family Values before May 17 (which didn't happen). In doing that, all other stories fell to the wayside. But now that I only need to write one more chapter for that story, I decided to work on my other stuff and begin new stories.

Spoiler alert: The remaining A/N will contain spoilers for the new film as well as my plans for upcoming stories including this one.

Now that I have seen the new film, I can tell you that this will not be a complete rewrite of Into Darkness. (I will be doing a rewrite of that movie but probably not until it hits DVD.) I thought long and hard about it and I decided that certain events in the first story made it impossible for certain things to unfold exactly how they did in STID. First of all, this story takes place about 28 months after the events of STID. I strongly believe a Spock that willingly changed the Kobayashi Maru would not send in a by the book report, especially if it meant he would be throwing his husband 'under the bus'.

Also, I am not sure Spock would be as suicidal with all the therapy and psychiatric drugs he is on. In this universe, Spock has already had his flipping out moment and is more well-adjusted. (For those of you who have forgotten, Marshall refers to Spock's other personality.) He also has his bond mate to ground him emotionally. Then there is of course the fact that his father's death will affect him differently than his mother's death.

The other thing is the Kobayashi Maru trial incident in the YDHTBMBF universe made a lot of people cognitive of corruption in Starfleet. The fallout triggered a massive investigation. I honestly don't see how Admiral Marcus could have survived the great purging of the admiralty or get away with his special project. This chapter will explain how some things are different.

Of course, the more things change, the more they stay the same and I will be incorporating elements from the new film in to TTAL. Any elements that occurred before the dividing point, which will be when Spock became Carol's TA in a class, may have some influence on what's happening. One thing I will say is I'm not using Khan as my main villain in this because considering some of the angry things I've read on message boards the character is viewed as sacred and I'm not touching him. I'm going to go with something original-ish but do expect some interesting parallelisms.

There will be some spoilers from the new film in the story such as Christine and Carol being friends but it will be mixed up with a lot of crazy stuff from my imagination. Also, there's a little bit of an inconsistency with how Spock met Carol compared to what was in Unmistakably T'hy'la. I had to change it to make it fit better. Go with the new interpretation.

Also, a little reminder in the YDHTBMB universe Jim dated Christine a couple of times before realizing that if he slept with her and did not call the next day Bones would kill him. Of course, Christine was going to remember things a little differently.

This chapter was inspired by To Zion by by Lauryn Hill

Lyric excerpt: Woe, this crazy circumstance  
I knew his life deserved a chance  
But everybody told me to be smart  
Look at your career they said  
"Lauryn, baby use your head"  
But instead I chose to use my heart

* * *

**Chapter 6: Every Story has Two Sides (The Truth Usually Exists Somewhere In Between)**

Christine Chapel became very good at keeping her emotions in check over last the two years. No one was aware of her discomfort at serving under a man that she was slightly in love with who didn't feel the same way about her. She thought that there was something there when they went out a few times but she obviously missed all the signs that she was not his type at all. She was female and human. If he wasn't happily married she would be far away in the frontiers of space despite what her best friend made her promise. The fact that he was in love with someone else made it tolerable in a weird way.

She was there because Carol asked her to be aboard Enterprise in case the worst happened and the worst did happen. Carol was dead and it was now her job to make good on her promise to make sure David had a happy life with his father and stepfather. (Of course, Christine was not completely sure how to do that yet.)

Because of her experiences with keeping her Kirk related emotions in check, she could keep her emotions to herself as she picked up the dead body of her closest friend. (They have been friends since Carol's final year at the Academy in San Francisco before she switched to her first love biology just to spite her father and transferred to the London campus.) She stayed as professional as possible despite the urge to cry. She stayed focus on her job of identifying the bodies and taking care of her dead friend's son.

Thankfully, David did not let anyone know that he recognized her from his mother's pictures, if nothing else. She did spend some time with Carol when David was firstborn, right before Carol convinced her to come to Enterprise just in case after Carol decided to accept the position as head of the research facility on the isolated planet. Although she doubted David would remember that, she made the little boy promise not to tell his new daddies anything. She would take care of that herself once things were calmer. Although, she doubted that was going to happen anytime soon.  
Her commanding officer was going to kill her when he discovered that she knew his husband had a son and said nothing during her time on board. She was not sure if her reasons for doing so will lessen that anger. She kept quiet for David's safety because even though Alexander Marcus was no longer a member of the Starfleet Admiralty, due to his plans to start a war with the Klingons being discovered, he was still a formidable man. Formidable enough that he survived the incident with only losing his job and not prison time. She didn't want a sweet child like David being at his mercy. Carol made her promise to do everything possible to keep David from her father.

The fact that Carol had a child from her first love was a closely guarded secret that only she, Rebecca, and Carol's secret benefactor knew the details. The fact that Mr. Marcus was responsible for Carol and Spock's relationship falling apart was also a closely guarded secret. (Of course, Carol got him back in the end. It was his fault for believing she was still his perfect little girl after what he did to her.)

Christine literally had to bite her tongue as she was forced to listen to her Captain (and others) criticize Carol when he had no idea what she gave up and did not understand why she had no choice but to conceal David's identity. They had no idea what really happened. They thought that Carol didn't love Commander Spock, mostly because of the lie she told him when she was forced to end the relationship. They didn't know that Carol died thinking that the guy she was in love with didn't love her even though Christine tried to convince her otherwise. They didn't know that the whole story was practically a Shakespearean tragedy of star-crossed lovers and controlling fathers. However, Christine knew both sides of the story.

Carol started at the Academy at the age of 15 because of her father's position and her above normal intelligence. It was hard enough being the Admiral's daughter without your classmates realizing you're a 15-year-old physics major that can do quadratic equations mentally. She tried to act like every other freshman at the Academy and maybe she did some things (or people) that she should not have done including lying about her age and last name. During her second semester, she fell head over feet for her Vulcan TA in one of her physics classes. He wasn't even supposed to be there but the other TA, Mr. Johnson, was kicked out of the class for inappropriate behavior with one of the students. Mr. Spock was three years older than Carol but they were drawn to each other due to their mutual intelligence. They were friends first and eventually they became more than friends. Then there was a little science experiment that deactivated Carol's contraceptive shot. That's when everything fell apart.

But Commander Spock and Captain Kirk did not know that and it wasn't her place to tell either man. Carol may be dead but she will not betray her memory by breaking her promise.

Christine focused her energy on trying to find the person who murdered her friend. She volunteered to compare the DNA samples collected from those that died at the research facility to the crew manifest. Doctor McCoy didn't trust the computer to not screw this up. She was glad that she did because due to her friendship with Carol she had a greater understanding of what was going on in the colony. Within an hour, she knew that the not dead crew member was Erin Williams, a longtime friend of Carol's father, that she didn't trust at all. Despite her position, Carol could not get rid of the guy. He was a close associate of Admiral Jackson.

Also, because of her friendship with Carol, she knew that there should have been at least one more person on the colony. Carol mentioned her by name several times because she helped save David's life when the child stopped breathing once, (that was an over simplification of things, David was clinically dead for at least 10 minutes.) Unfortunately, she could only remember the woman's nickname of JJ, that came from her initials. If the name would have been on the manifest of personnel on planet Christine would've recognized it but she knew it wasn't there. No one had that particular combination of initials. The best thing to do would be to look through her old emails from Carol. She knew she would need to turn over some of the less personal ones for the investigation anyway. Of course, before she could look through her old messages she saw one on top of her email box from a woman who died nearly 48 hours earlier. Christine knew she needed to talk to her Captain now.

* * *

Jim doesn't know how they did it but somehow miracle of miracles they managed to get David to take a nap after finger paint therapy. Jim was looking forward to taking a nap himself, but nap time waits for no Captain, even when Nyota was the one in charge. Unfortunately, Nurse, or was it Doctor, Chapel showed up at his door. He can never remember if Christine has actually finished med school yet. Spock was going to yell at him later for forgetting things like that about crew members especially one that Bones made him go out with. He could instantly tell that she was distraught by her fidgeting.

"What brings you here?" He asked letting her into the room. "If it's anything work related, you probably should talk to Nyota right now."

"It is, but this is something you and Commander Spock need to know because it relates to the David situation." The woman said taking a deep breath. "Permission to speak freely, Sir?" She asked instantly slipping into the mode of the trained soldier that she was, almost as a defense mechanism.

"Permission granted." Jim said rolling his eyes, hating the formalities of Starfleet sometimes.

"I asked Dr. McCoy if I could help work on identifying the dead because Carol was a friend of mine and I wanted to help find out who killed her. I probably know the most about what's going on in that facility than most." Christine started.  
"I doubt that." Jim mumbled under breath. He wanted to say a lot of other things along the lines of 'how can you be friends with a person like that' or ask her if she knew about David. However, after being a Starfleet Captain for over three years he's learned the importance of keeping your mouth shut in certain situations.

"The facility on the planet is really the relocated special and supposedly nonexistent research facility that was hidden beneath the Kelvin Memorial Archives until two years ago after parts of the project became public knowledge during the great Admiralty Purging. This was the section developing advanced weapons for Admiral Marcus's personal war. After Carol's father was kicked out for trying to incite war with the Klingons, allegedly." Of course, Christine said that allegedly in a way that made him sure that there was nothing alleged about it even if Jim did not already knew the sordid details.

"Admiral Jackson was given control of the projects that were not obviously in violation of the Federation charter. The facility was also moved to the rejected site for the Vulcan colony. Because nobody understood Admiral Marcus better than his daughter, Jackson asked her to relocate to the planet to head up the research project and allowed her to bring David with her." Jim felt a headache coming on because he just knew something bad was going on here.

The story of what happened to Admiral Marcus was legendary, even if the bastard just got a slap on the wrist for almost causing a interplanetary incident. The man was already slightly unbalanced after his wife, Commander Wallace-Marcus, was killed by Klingons during a mission. Then the destruction of Vulcan happened and the man just fucking lost it. Because of the man's paranoia, he allegedly did something that was so bad he lost his command because somebody had the good sense to report it. According to rumor, the man was trying to antagonize the Klingons in hopes of bringing tensions to a head and starting a war. For reasons unknown, he was planning on using Enterprise as the bait hoping to get everyone on board killed in the process, allegedly. Like Jim said, the man lost it or at least that was what Chris told him in regards to his former mentor.

Jim groaned when he realized that this man was his stepson's grandfather. Now he can understand why Carol turned out the way she did if she was raised by that guy. The guy almost made Frank seem like a nice person.

"Okay, you know more of what's going on than we do." Jim said rubbing his temples. Spock was standing beside him at that point.

"I don't know what they were working on though. Carol never told me anything except it was supposed to help people. She said it was safer if I didn't know," Christine explained.

"That was probably true," Jim mumbled under his breath.

"Why was she granted special permission to bring David with her?" Spock asked because he was kind of David centered at the moment. Jim knew Spock really wanted to ask 'why did she bring David with her?' or possibly 'why the fuck did you not tell me I had a kid in the first place?' Of course, his husband wouldn't say that out loud. He was being all super Stoic Vulcan right now. Any Carol related conversation usually did that.

"David was really sick when he was a baby and she couldn't bear to be away from him. The doctors said it was a side effect of being born premature and the embryo freezing process." Christine said covering her mouth after realizing she said way too much. "Shit, I wasn't supposed to tell you that." Spock was displaying the Vulcan equivalent of falling down shock with two eyebrows raised as high as possible. Jim was not surprised because Spock was just essentially told that he accidentally got Carol pregnant when they were sleeping together and she put the baby on ice for reasons unknown.

"Considering that Carol is now dead, I think we need to know. Obviously, David is better now. Actually, he's really doing great for a half Vulcan kid, that is supposed to be a quarter Vulcan kid, if he really was created the old-fashioned way." Jim said snidely.

"I concur with my husband. I have a right to know if during the course of our relationship I impregnated Dr. Marcus." Spock said the name as coldly as possible, even using her title for the sake of emotional distance. Jim quickly grabbed Spock's hand. He knew his husband needed his support more than anything else at this moment.

"Yes, you got her pregnant due to a lab mishap that deactivated her birth control. Because her father was a high-ranking Admiral, the doctors at Starfleet medical disregarded doctor-patient confidentiality and told him everything. Admiral Marcus was not happy that his little girl managed to get pregnant by the wayward son of a Vulcan ambassador. Let's just say both men tried to convince her that termination was the best option. Actually, your father told her that you were engaged to a Vulcan Princess and were merely using her to study human sexual behavior. He also told her that you would not want to have anything to do with a child created outside the sanctity of a traditional bond." Okay, Spock was beyond angry and he completely believed what Carol told Christine because he knew his dad would say something like that. He knew that Spock's relationship with Sarek was complicated but he didn't think it was this bad. What he was experiencing through the link was overwhelming.

"My engagement was terminated at that point and my father had no right to say such things to her." Spock spat out in the iciest tone he has ever heard from his husband. It was frigid. "He most likely told her these things to encourage her to terminate." Of course over the link he heard Spock wondering if Carol broke up with him as harshly as she did because of what his father said to her. Jim wouldn't blame her. Apparently, Spock didn't either because his Carol hatred was starting to subside.

"Fuck! Not to speak ill of the dead but your father was a real piece of work." James mumbled under breath before he decided that maybe it was not good to mention anything regarding his father. It was already a very sore subject for Spock and he really did not want to deal with 'Marshall' right now. "I should not have said that. There's no point of us being angry, your father is not around to give his side of the story and obviously she decided to take a different path because David is here." He said wrapping an arm around his husband, not caring that Chapel was in the room. "I don't know why your fathers made such a big deal out of it. She was over 18 anyway and it was her life. It wasn't like they could force her into doing anything." He has learned enough about being diplomatic in the last couple of years to leave off 'although, apparently, emotional blackmail was on the table.' Despite that, he still noticed Chapel biting her lip.  
"Why do I have a feeling you are not telling us something?" Jim asked with a sigh.

"Actually, this all happened a month before her 17th birthday and Admiral Marcus used you to convince her to do what he wanted." She said turning to Spock. "If she stayed pregnant he was going to kick you out of Starfleet and have you arrested for statutory. He was going to make sure that your diplomatic immunity from being the child of a ambassador would be useless." Considering the rumors that he has heard about the Admiral, Jim was not that surprised. Everything else was a little shocking. He knew that Spock wasn't as straight lace as everybody assumed (their sex toy collection was testament to that) but Jim didn't expect his husband to screw the underage (even if Spock wasn't quite 20 himself at the time, if Jim was doing the math right).

"I am sure that would be my father's doing. Sarek was quite displeased with me at that time due to the termination of my engagement." Spock said darkly.

"You got the underage daughter of an Admiral pregnant?" Jim asked still in shock.

"Apparently," Spock remarked dryly.

"More importantly, you impregnated the underage daughter of the Admiral that, according to rumor, tried to use Enterprise and everyone on board as Klingon bait to start his personal war. Actually, Admiral Marcus wanting you dead makes perfect sense now. Shit, Spock! You're supposed to be the responsible one. Me getting an underage cadet pregnant, I understand. But you're supposed to be the good one in this marriage." Jim said raising his arms in the air.

"I was unaware that she was under the age of consent by Earth standards during the course of our sexual relationship. I was only 19.8 years of age when our relationship ended." Considering the Vulcan curse words that Jim was hearing over the bond, he knew that was true. Spock believed that Carol was only a year younger than him not three. Now Spock was mad at her again.

"He wouldn't have been. She lied about her age because being a 15-year-old super genius is difficult. She even used her mom's last name for most of her time at the Academy to keep people from figuring out she was the Admiral's daughter. She told me that Spock was one of the few people who knew her real last name." Christine explained and he understood because he did a lot of dumb stuff too at that age and he hated being viewed as George Kirk's son. Also, considering how much he was in love with Spock, Jim personally would not care about the age of consent either.

"Let's just stop talking about the age thing. It doesn't matter anymore. Obviously, she didn't go through with it and Spock was not arrested, so what happened?" James asked trying to keep this conversation on task. He would like to know how this all relates to the current investigation before David wakes up from nap time.

"Carol knew she couldn't carry the baby to term so she lied to her father about terminating her pregnancy and had the embryo frozen instead. She did this despite believing everything Spock's father said." Jim decided it was best to not ask how a 16-year-old could afford to do that procedure behind her father's back. It was not important right now. "She instantly loved David before he was even born because he was a part of you. Carol still loved you but she hated you as well…" Chapel said looking directly at Spock as she tried not to cry. It was obvious that the woman was having trouble processing her friend's murder.

"Therefore she had Rebecca convince me that she was doing to me exactly what my father said I was doing to her," Spock said out loud.

"Essentially, yes," Chapel said with a sigh.

"Okay, how does this all relate to how Carol and everyone else on that planet died?" Jim asked because at this point he was confused and overwhelmed.

"It's all connected in the end. After Vulcan happened, Carol decided that it was the right time to have David or more like she felt she had to do her part. She told her father that she went through invitro because she wanted to have a child with her girlfriend. She was working in London during her pregnancy at the 'Kelvin Archive' and her father told her too much including he was trying to use Enterprise to start his own war. That was the final straw and she told on him." Jim was sure there was more to this story but he was afraid to ask.

"Everyone knows about what happened next," Jim started. "Thanks to the great nepotism of Starfleet and the fact that they couldn't exactly prove everything Marcus got a slap on the wrist because his lawyer blamed the whole thing on him going crazy after his wife died. Basically, he just lost his job and spent a year in mental health rehab. The man is now working for some private tech firm making 10 times the money." Jim said bitterly.

"It could have been a lot worse if Carol said nothing. The whole situation was too much for her and she went into labor three months early. David spent a week in neonatal intensive care." As Chapel said this Jim could feel worry and concern coming from Spock. "The doctors were not sure if David was going to make it, despite all the advancements in technology. Jackson promised her that the research they were working on would help children like David. Carol was desperate and was willing to do anything for David, even sell her soul to somebody like Jackson. Rebecca just went along for the ride," Chapel explained.

Jim was not sure how true this story was. He doesn't know a lot about Carol's character in this dimension or any other for that matter. There must have been something about her that made his other self almost married the woman. Maybe, she wasn't the devil. She did die for David. They say the greatest way to show love was to give one's life. It was obvious that Carol did love David.

"When David was four months old, I got an email from Carol telling me that David stopped breathing in the middle of the night. Actually, she believed that David was dead. They were not able to revive him until Dr. JJ injected the infant with some new drug they were working on. Not only does David survive but he's healthier than ever. I sent a copy of that email to both you and Commander Spock." It felt like she wasn't saying something and Jim was sure it had something to do with his stepson's DNA.

"He's also now 50% Vulcan." Jim said snidely. Internally, Jim was thinking about what type of drug brings a baby back from the dead and changes him at the genetic level. Spock was thinking the same thing.

"I do not remember a Dr. JJ listed among those who were on planet. I assume that is not the doctor's real name." Jim's response was to growl at Spock's words.

"You weren't supposed to be reading that. For once, I'm trying to avoid the appearance of impropriety. You can't touch this investigation. I shouldn't even touch it. You are going to need to repeat the non-personal parts of this conversation to Acting Captain Nyota." Jim said as he quickly sent a message to Nyota telling her to get here as quickly as possible because he knew the situation was bad. He also had a feeling they were going to have to call Pike because something very strange was going on and Jim was sure that this was the rumored Section 31 at work.

"That was Carol's nickname for Dr. Jane Jackson. I looked at the list of crew twice and that name wasn't on there.

In her last email three days ago, Carol mentioned that JJ was still there." As Doctor Chapel said this she passed a PADD to Spock. "I guess I shouldn't say last email because I received another message 20 minutes ago from my best friend containing her last will and testament in the event of her untimely demise." Christine said bitterly as she showed the message to Spock.

Jim on the other hand was trying to remember why the name sounded so familiar. Jackson was a common last name. The Admiral that despised him had the last name Jackson. He was married to some scientist name Jane. That's when Jim realized why Jackson did not want him looking too closely at what was going on. Considering the look Spock was giving him his husband obviously pieced it together as well.

"Shit,"

* * *

To be continued.  
I was originally planning to get back to Chris and Winona in this chapter but the plot needed to be moved forward. I really would like to avoid a 200,000 word plus story if at all possible.

Note about updates: On Wednesday night, my computer died and until I get it back from the repair shop, I am using my old computer with voice recognition software that is dreadful. There for regular updates will not resume until maybe the end of the month.


	7. In Search of Absolution: Part one

Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last chapter. I know that the last chapter seemed a bit jarring but there is a purpose to my madness and it was always my intent for Carol to not be the absolute villain of the piece (although her father being such a horrible person in STID is a gift that I will be taking full advantage of because now I don't need to use an OC to play that part as originally planned). Right now, you are only seeing little pieces but I do have a master plan.

I am taking a few elements from STID but that's mostly Section 31 and Carol's father. As mentioned in the previous chapter, most of what happened in STID did not occur in this universe because Carol did not keep her mouth shut. Every action has consequences and we will see if things turn out to be a lot worse in the long run. (If you're craving a STID rewrite/remix, check out the first chapter of my story Dear James)

I have my computer back although the good voice recognition software is just now starting to work correctly. Apparently, when your computer's hard drive dies a horrible death you lose access to the good voice recognition software. I had to use my backup software that requires way too much programming for my personal taste and it gave me a sore throat when I wrote this chapter. This chapter is about half the size I was originally planning because my voice just got too tired.

The song for this chapter is _The Heart of the Matter _because I actually started humming it while writing the chapter (although, the more traditional interpretation of the lyrics will apply more to part two).

Originally by Don Hensley

The version I have on my iPod is performed by India Arie.

Lyric excerpt:

I'm learning to live without you now

But I miss you sometimes

The more I know, the less I understand

All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning again

This chapter begins right where chapter five left off.

Warning: Description of past domestic violence

* * *

**Chapter seven: In Search of Absolution: Part one**

For somebody who was trying to hide from an ex-husband, who would kill her if he ever found her again, she did too many stupid things that would get her caught one day or another. She should have gone to a far off colony, instead she stayed on Earth. She couldn't bring herself to be that far away from her youngest child, even if for his own safety he needed to believe that she was dead. (She knew Frank would kill Jim just to get to her if he actually believed she was still alive.)

She ended up in San Francisco because Jim was there. It was a dumb thing. After a long career in Starfleet, the city was teeming with people that may be able to recognize her. Winona lied to herself and said it would be ok because nobody would be able to see past the superficial changes to her appearance and her new identity as the mild manner schoolteacher Whitney River.

Even though she was hiding to keep Georgia safe, she couldn't just stop being Jim's mom. She even visited her son's favorite off campus dive bar actually called the Dive Bar a few times. It was the only drinking establishment that Jim went to on a regular basis where a 50 something wouldn't be totally out of place, even if she barely looked 40.

That's actually where she met her wife. Kayah was 15 years younger than her with dark, curly hair and a wicked sense of humor. She had no trouble with accepting her two year old daughter and the fact that Winona was essentially a woman without a past. The way Winona feels about her reminded her a lot of how she felt around George in the beginning. Kayah definitely made her skin tingle with every single touch.

The way they met was even similar. Winona was trying to make sure that Jim did not see her and she ran straight into Kayah. When Kayah handed Winona her purse, their fingers touched and she received that same tingling feeling that she experienced the first time she touched George. She just knew there was something about this woman that made her willing to consider doing something harder than a quick fuck before picking Georgia up from the sitter.

The fact that she didn't run away when Winona told her the absolute truth after Kayah proposed was the only reason why Winona walked down the aisle for a third time. Kayah knew that Whitney was really Winona and she was on the run from her ex-husband who would kill her if he ever found her and that was before she turned state's evidence on her former lover (of course they still haven't been able to convict the man for anything, despite the truckload of computer files that she gave them). Before today, the only people who knew the complete story of what happened were her handlers, Kayah, and the doctor who helped her get out and even then he didn't know her real name. (Considering, he was now working with her son that was a good thing.)

She considered it a small miracle that her son or someone else never caught her (until today). Jim came close on his wedding day. Kayah told her not to go but she couldn't not be there on such an important day in her son's life. Of course, Jim saw her but she was able to get out of there before he caught up to her. Unfortunately, on the way out she ran right into her former boss Admiral Marcus. Thankfully, he was too distracted arguing with his only daughter about getting pregnant again before getting married (the ass was always a little too old fashioned and paranoid for her taste) to recognize her. He didn't believe the story about the sperm donor or whatever. Winona was too busy trying to get off the Starfleet academy campus without running into anybody else that can see past the contacts and expert dye job to actually pay attention.

After that incident, she should have been more careful but she wasn't. Really, the moment that she ended up having her son's sister in law as a student, she should have convinced Kayah to move several light-years away (or at least put the little girl in a different class). Of course, the little girl reminded Winona way too much of Jim and she did not want to run away. She even made the mistake of offering to take care of the little girl whenever Dr. Grayson was running late. She remembered all too well what it was like being a single parent due to widowhood with a child who was prone to cause parent teacher conferences on a daily basis. They were even both widows because of the same madman.

Her wife said it had something to do with all the stories that T'Pay told her about her favorite brother in law and babysitter in space. She allowed Winona to safely check up on Jim. Or at least Winona convinced herself it was safe because Amanda never met her and Jim was supposed to be in deep space for at least the next year. T'Pay Grayson would be safely in another class before Winona would have to deal with accidentally being found out. Of course, she wasn't anticipating being caught by her best friend, who her little student referred to as Admiral Daddy. She should have known this was going to happen.

"Winona, I can't believe you did this to Jim!" Chris screamed at her. The last time he yelled at her like this was when she went back to Frank.

"My name isn't Winona anymore, it's Whitney. Winona died several years ago when she had to do the only thing she could to save her family," Winona told him with bitter sarcasm.

"Can we not do this right now? Your girlfriend will be back any moment and there's a small child on the other side of that door. She probably can hear everything," she did not want to talk about this at all. Yes, she trusted Chris in the sense that he would not betray her location to Frank. The problem was she knew he would tell Jimmy and he would be fucking furious. He wouldn't get why she left. He would assume that she abandoned him, when she didn't. He was never going to forgive her for what she did, even if it came out of a place of love.

"Amanda's not my girlfriend. She is your fellow mother in law of." Chris said in the iciest voice she has ever heard from the man. "Her son is married to your son. You know, the one you abandon to play happy family with that woman who looks barely 30 years old," he said this as he pointed to the image on her desk. "I think she is younger than what Sam would have been if…" Chris stopped right there, as if he just realized that he let his temper get the best of him.

"Don't bite your tongue Chris. Sam is dead and Frank is the reason why. I already knew. He told me that the last time I tried to get away from him before I took the option of last resort. Of course, he was holding a knife to my stomach at the time. He said he had no trouble killing another one of my children, starting with the one that was in my stomach. He also said that just like the first time, they would never find the bodies. That's why I had to get out by whatever means necessary." Winona closed her eyes as she remembered the incident. She's personally surprised Georgia survived the beating that she suffered. He said that he would kill Georgia first and then go after Jim. He said he would slit his throat right in front of her if she ever thought about leaving him. The bastard knew the only way to destroy her would be through her children. She would do anything for Jim and Georgia, even if it meant leaving her entire life behind to go into witness protection.

"The bastard didn't do that good a job since we found the body when we were excavating for the new academy," Chris said as every word of his dripped with sarcasm. "Your excuses are bullshit. Why the hell did you not come to me or one of your other friends? What the FUCK were you thinking?"

"That I didn't want to raise another kid with that abusive prick. I did what I had to," Winona said fighting back tears. She was not expecting absolution, she just wanted Chris to understand why she did what she did. "Can we just not talk about this now?"

"I'm not sure I'll get another chance. Tomorrow, you will be gone," Chris said bitterly.

"I'm not going to uproot my wife and daughter when I haven't really been compromised. You're not going to tell Frank. I trust you," she knew Chris would never betray her.

"I'm not sure about that. If you did trust me, we wouldn't be here. I'm not going to tell that fucking ass where you are. However, I sure as hell am going to tell Jim. Do you have any idea what your 'death' did to him? Again, how the fuck could you do this to him? He's going to be back planet side in six weeks, sooner if Jackson gets his way. He is pissed at Jim." It was obvious that Chris was not telling her something.

"Marcus's favorite lackey is now a member of the Admiralty?" Winona asked not wanting to talk about her son. He was never going to forgive her for leaving the way she did even if it was the logical choice.

"When my former mentor and your former boss 'retired', due to 'personal problems', they had no choice but to turn over his projects to Jackson. He was the only one who had half a clue of what was going on." Winona snorted to herself. She knew the man too well to believe that story. Even she knew that her former captain had a nervous breakdown of 'most likely to start a war with the Klingons' proportions. The man always was a warmonger. Of course, that may have something to do with the fact that her classes are filled with the children or grandchildren of ambassadors, members of the Admiralty, and other of the San Francisco elite. She was placed at the school for a reason. Also, her handler always gave her the best gossip. She was going to have to call her as soon as Chris and Dr. Grayson left her.

"We can talk tomorrow at the Dive Bar. If I find that babysitter, I will bring my wife." She suggested.

"I think that's the bar I had to pick your son up at way too many times, before he met his husband, anyway." She was sure there was a story there but she did not ask.

"That's not going to work. I would like to know what the hell is going on before I have to speak with Jim again and because of what's going on that's going to happen sooner rather than later. How about tomorrow morning at the Butterfly Café? There's a play area to keep Georgia occupied, even if you can't find a babysitter." Chris suggested.

"You would know all about which restaurants have play areas. Really, just friends?" Winona snickered and Chris blushed. "I will meet you there at seven."

"I just suggested it because they have your favorite ice caramel latte." Chris said with a snicker. She almost wondered if that was his way of apologizing for overreacting. She doesn't get to ask Chris anymore questions because she heard the footsteps of Dr. Grayson and her very energetic seven year old.

"Okay, apparently there's an override code for situations like these." Amanda said walking into the room and Chris focused only on her again. No one with eyes will mistake those two for merely friends. Nobody does denial like Chris.

Of course, they don't need it because that's when her favorite little Vulcan decided to actually open the bathroom.

Her long suffering wife believed it was funny when Georgia recounted the entire incident over the dinner table. She thought it was less funny when she told her about Chris but she called her friend Casey to baby sit Georgette just in case.

* * *

he

Nyota had the worst headache ever and she blamed it on the fact she was acting captain during a situation that just screamed conspiracy theory (she really wished Jim put Sulu in charge for this mess). After her crying attack, she was hoping that she would be able to tell Jim about the Sam situation. That didn't happen because Christine decided it would be the perfect time to come clean regarding the situation with Carol and David (or at least her version of it). She was fucking pissed that Christine kept her mouth shut. They needed to know what they were getting into before they arrived on NCX17. Christine had that information and she didn't say anything. Her actions put the entire team in danger.

The personal stuff she didn't care about. It was all just another reason to despise Carol. How the fuck could she not have told Spock what was happening? (If she was trying to tell Spock the truth at the wedding after supposedly retrieving little David from frozen storage she was an even bigger bitch then originally assumed). It wasn't her choice to make such a decision without at least telling Spock what was going on, if that's what really happened.

She wasn't so sure. Carol seemed overly smug when she tried to crash the wedding. That could have just been bravado and maybe there was some sort of purpose to her madness. There also could have been some more sinister reason behind her actions. She didn't seem like the type of person you could trust. If you lie about your age and your last name, what else are you going to lie about?

Even though Gaila has yet to recover any data from the research facility or get the remaining systems back online, Nyota just knew something was very shady about what was going on and that was before the revelations about David. She wondered if the facility was part of the fabled Section 31. If they really were working on something that could for all intents and purposes bring a child back from the dead (and change said child on a genetic level) that seemed highly probable.

Nyota personally did not feel that you can trust anybody who would be a part of something like that and it was pretty obvious that whatever was going on in the colony was not really Federation sanctioned (Jackson's bazaar orders was evidence of that). Anyone who was a part of something like this was essentially a professional liar and could not be trusted. That fits in perfectly with how Nyota saw the woman.

Nyota was not even entirely sure they could trust what Christine was saying about the mysterious Dr. Jane Jackson (mostly because the information came from Carol). Other than a couple of society articles on Jane Jackson in her capacity as Jackson's wife at various Starfleet events, they were not able to find anything on the woman, not even her marriage license. Although, that may be a sign that at least part of Christine's bizarre story was true. There had to be a reason why Jackson did not want the group investigating. If his wife was part of this, that would explain why he is trying to keep Enterprise from asking questions. There was obviously something going on that he didn't want to come out.

Nyota was trying very hard to stay professional and not smack her colleague upside the head for lying and concealing evidence. At some point, Jim, of all people, had to pull her out of the conference room with the flimsy excuse of calling Pike. She knew it was an excuse because that conference room had the ability to contact Pike directly. (Jim made them go to the conference room closest to his quarters because he did not want to wake David. She personally felt it was because Jim did not want Spock to listen in on the conversation because it was obvious Jim was worried about Spock's reaction to Christine's 'true' confessions and did not want him to have to listen to it all again.)

"Deep cleansing breath, remember she is your friend and you really don't want to piss off somebody who is in charge of your medical well-being," Jim said cheekily as they continued on to wherever Jim was taking her.

"You do it to Leonard all the time," she mumbled under her breath. "If she really was my friend, she would have told me that my best friend had a kid who was being hidden from him by a delusional, lying, psychopath bitch. Do you actually believe the bullshit that was coming from her? It sounded like something straight from a trashy Harlequin novel."

"About as much as I trust Spock when he says he is fine right now," Jim snorted.

"That's because when your husband uses the word fine it means he's falling apart. He hates that word and any of its equally ambiguous equivalents. He is definitely not fine right now," she snorted.

"I don't think Spock completely believes this version of events either, even if it does sound like something Sarek would have done. But I don't know what the point of lying would be now. Even if it was true, I don't know if Spock would ever be able to forgive her even if she was alive to receive forgiveness." Jim said sadly.

"That's true," Nyota said bitterly.

"I don't know if we are ever going to know the truth. Two of the three people involved are dead, and depending on what Pike tells us, it may be in our best interest not to talk to the third about it. I'm more concerned about Jane Jackson and the fact that we cannot find anything about her older then my stepson, not even her marriage license. It's like she didn't exist before three years ago. The only reason why we need to verify this story about how David came into existence at all is if my hybrid husband managed to get his 16 year old girlfriend pregnant the old fashion way, that means that they were working on something that could not only bring a child back from the dead, but also change that child on a molecular level. That is some dangerous shit." Jim said with worry in his voice.

"That's what I'm afraid of." Nyota said echoing James worry.

"Yes and whoever shot up the place now has that research and we don't. You know they uploaded everything before they wrecked the computers. The way they did it was strange because it would have been just easier to blow everything up. We don't even know how they got on and off the planet. There was no evidence whatsoever of any ship in the vicinity." James said worriedly.

"Well they could have done what you did to get back on the ship when your ex-boyfriend* decided to send you to the ice planet of the damned." She said jokingly until she realized that was a possibility. "Didn't Starfleet force Scotty to give over the equation?" she said becoming very serious.

"Shit. Okay, now we really need to talk to Chris," He said as they walked into Jim's office.

"Fuck," or rather she said the Klingon equivalent when she realized that she was out of time.

"Before we try to contact Chris, I need to tell you something," she started ominously.

"I already figured out that our long range communications capabilities are not as out as you said they were," Jim joked.

"That is not what I want to talk about. They really are out, they will just happen to conveniently come on in about 3 minutes," she joked to get rid of some of her nervousness. It did not work.

"That's not it. I need to tell you something and I'm not sure how," Nyota started again.

"Unless it involves the current crazy situation, it can wait," she had no choice but to go along with his command. Her only consolation was she felt it was highly unlikely that admiral Pike would mention the Sam situation.

Although she exhaled when she found out that the admiral wasn't there. Jim started laughing when he found out he left with Amanda until he was told that Amanda was there for a 'briefing' on David. That's when he let out a few curse words before deciding to contact Pike through alternate means.

"I'm so sorry to hear about your loss." Pike's assistant or whatever said just as he was about to end the call. Nyota was repressing the urge to curse in Klingon again.

"I really didn't know Carol very well but losing a parent is always hard even when you're little. I will pass your condolences on to Spock and our son." She was too touched by Jim referring to David as his son to realize what was about to happen. She should have ended the call right there. She was so fucked.

"I was talking about your brother. I thought the Admiral told you that they found his body when they were preparing the site for the new academy in Iowa." Judging by James expression alone, the assistant realized it was a very good time to end the conversation. Her response was to let out a string of Klingon curse words.

"Explain now!" Jim demanded. The look he was giving her told her that she was completely screwed.

To be continued.

* * *

All positive and/or redirected feedback appreciated and encouraged. Please review.


	8. Forgiveness is for the living

Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last chapter.

The second part of this chapter will contain some dialogue from the last chapter of this story's predecessor, but the entire scene will be flipped so that we see it from Carol's perspective. For those of you who read Starfleet Family Values you know how much I love doing flashbacks and using nonlinear storytelling. The truth will be coming out in this chapter (some of it anyway), and it's scarier than you can imagine.

I cannot remember if I gave Admiral Jackson a first name. I looked through the previous chapters and I haven't found anything, so just go with the first name now.

Songs for this chapter:

The Heart of the Matter

lyric excerpt:

I got the call today, I didn't wanna hear

But I knew that it would come

An old true friend of ours was talkin' on the phone

She said you found someone

And I thought of all the bad luck and all the struggles we went through

In a World Like This

lyric excerpt:

In a world like this where people fall apart

In a time like this when nothing comes from the heart

In a world like this, I've got you

Did you really think I could get through this entire story without using a Backstreet Boys song? I admit I was going to try to but this song just was perfect. It's unbelievably fluffy, but it perfectly represents Jim and Spock's relationship in this chapter.

* * *

Chapter 8: In search of absolution part two: Forgiveness Is for the Living

Spock lay down cautiously next to David, who was cuddling the plush that he referred to as Mr. Spock. His son was still peacefully napping, unaware of the story told by Ms. Chapel and the inner turmoil it caused his father. Spock does not remember seeing anything in David's mind that contradicted the secondhand version of Carol's side of events. At least now Spock understands David's closeness to Rebecca and why he did not find it that strange that Spock was engaged in a romantic relationship with another man. The woman was another mother to David and at the very least Carol's lover.

However, there was not much in David's memories that supported Ms. Chapel's narrative. There was evidence that she became very wary of Adm. Jackson in David's most recent memories. He also may have saw Carol arguing with her father in one of the memories.

Spock was wary to trust anything that came from Ms. Chapel because Carol was the source. If her story was true that meant that the only thing Carol never lied to him about was her feelings for him. If what he was told was true, that meant Carol concealed her pregnancy and her confrontation with their fathers. If Ms. Chapel's narrative turns out to be true that means his father deliberately conspired to keep David away from him. He is uncertain if he wants to discover the truth.

However, the truth may lay in the files forwarded to him by Ms. Chapel. He opens a message with trepidation due to the dubious subject line of "please read in the event of my disappearance or death".

Xx

_I'm sorry, Christine. I have been keeping a lot of things from you lately. I wanted to keep you as safe as possible by keeping you in the dark, to the best of my abilities. It's best that you don't know what I have accidentally become involved in. I'm a prisoner of my own making and David and Becky are stuck with me. I don't want you to be as well._

_If I told you how bad things have gotten on the colony, I'm sure you would have told Spock about David in an effort to rescue Rebecca and me. That's why I never told you how bad things have become. I no longer trust Jackson. He was never the father figure that I thought he was. He only used Spock and me as his own guinea pig to create his prototype perfect soldier. Now David is his toy and I'm not sure how much longer I can keep him safe. _

_If you receive this message, then it was not very long and I am most likely dead or incapacitated. I set up the program to forward this message if I do not log in for 48 hours. My only hope is that David and Rebecca have remained unscathed._

XXX

Spock stops reading the message as he runs a hand through David's hair, thankful that he is still here and mournful that Rebecca is not. He trusted Rebecca more than Carol. If they were lovers, then obviously not all of his preconceptions about Carol were accurate. He is also concerned about Carol's ominous words regarding Admiral Jackson. This is why he starts reading again.

XXX

_However, I don't think that is the case. If I'm gone, I'm sure Rebecca would follow behind me. In that event, I'm trusting you to make sure David is taken care of. (I do not want to contemplate a scenario where David is gone too. I will die myself first.) Do not let Jackson turn my son into his personal experiment (more than he already has). Tell Spock everything if you have to. Although, I prefer that you don't. I don't want him to realize how much of a coward I truly was. Just tell him enough so that he will take David. I have listed Spock and his husband as David's guardians with Starfleet. If protocol is followed (which I sincerely doubt) he should go to Spock. If Spock is unavailable or unwilling David should go to his uncle Selek on the New Vulcan colony, Spock's mother, or yourself. There are very few I trust and my father and Jackson are among those I do not trust. Whatever happens, make sure David does not go to my father and he's somewhere where he can be happy._

XXX

It seems like the thing Carol was most concerned with was David's happiness. He is slightly worried that she referred to Elder Selek as David's uncle. If she was a member of the fabled Section 31, she most likely had the clearance to know of his counterpart's existence.

It is obvious that Carol was very wary of her father and Admiral Jackson for reasons that were disconcerting at best. Spock thinks back to his conversations with Carol about Admiral Marcus. She loved her father, even if the relationship was slightly contentious. At the time, she was mostly annoyed at the fact he was forcing her to focus on physics and weapon design when she preferred the biological sciences. Since the death of Carol's mother, the man had become obsessed with war and weapons. If rumors were to be believed, it is highly possible that that preoccupation led to his dismissal from Starfleet. Also, if rumors were to be believed he needs to keep David away from the man at all cost.

Spock has been suspicious of Admiral Jackson for years. He was naturally wary of any crony of the now disgraced Admiral Johnson. How did the Admiral use him and Carol for his own purposes? Spock has a feeling, as his husband would say, that the answer is attached to Carol's message to Ms. Chapel. It includes several important files such as a copy of Carol's last will and testament and excerpts from her personal log. (The entry from his wedding day will most likely result in a highly uncomfortable conversation with his other self about his selective disclosure of important information.)

She also included a copy of what she gave Starfleet stating that she wanted custody of David to go to him and James in the event of both her and Rebecca's demise. The final document that he opens contains a personal message to him from Carol. It was heavily encrypted but Carol did not use standard encryption, but rather a system that Spock created sometime during the course of their relationship.

XXx

_Dear Spock:_

_I don't know how to start this letter except with if you're reading this, then I must be dead or presumed dead. I sent this to Christine to give to you, because I'm sure you would delete any message from me without reading it first. _

_I guess I should start with an apology. I apologize for lying to you about a lot of things, especially about why we needed to end our relationship. I should have told you the truth as soon as I left the meeting with my father. Even if I did believe your father's version of the truth, I should have broken up with you in person. I should have told you I was pregnant instead of listening to my father's friend. How was I supposed to know I should question the motives of a man I have known since I was five years old? Never trust a man named John because he is the type of person who has no qualms about secretly replacing a 16-year-old's birth control with fertility drugs. Everything from our first meeting until the miracle that kept our son alive was entirely engineered by a man who is fascinated by genetically engineered 'Supermen' of the late 20__th__ century and he thought he could do better with a little Vulcan DNA. He's so cocky about it that he put everything in writing. Two months ago I came across his secret project file. He just wanted David and he used me. Did you know that David was a twin? No, I don't know what happened to our other baby._

_The only answers I have are in Mr. Spock and David is the key. Ask him why the caged bird sings. Make sure you bring all of his things with you, but don't get anything out of the basement. Jackson keeps his pet project down there. You should call your brother first before you mess around down there. You may accidentally defrost something you should not._

XXX

The last part of her message seems somewhat incoherent. Most of the message actually makes no sense except for the implications that David's conception was not accidental. That was the main reason why he did not believe Miss Chapel's account of events. The probability of accidentally impregnating Carol was too small. However, Carol's words point to the possibility that they were both manipulated by the now Admiral Johnson. That scenario seems more plausible.

Spock does not have time to reflect on this because James and Nyota returned to their quarters abruptly. Spock can sense the anger from James before he actually entered. His husband is in great pain.

"Why the fuck did you not tell me that they found his body?" James yells loud enough to cause any child to wake up, including David. Spock realizes that he will need to apologize to Nyota, because obviously the walls are not as soundproof as they should be according to the regulations, and she most likely heard certain activities that he did not want her to hear. The problem will need to be remedied if this room is to become David's permanently.

"See, this is why I did not tell you. I knew you would act like this. You already had too much to deal with. Now you're yelling at me and I hate this," Nyota replies in a tone that from anyone else would be considered insubordination.

"Why are they fighting?" David asks groggily from the bed.

"You have two reactions to bad news, you either do a really good imitation of Vulcan indifference or you go crazy. God, you and Spock are the perfect match when it comes to this. I'm not sure which to reaction I prefer." Nyota actually laughs at that part.

"I am uncertain," Spock tells his son, because he is uncertain what could be causing James such turmoil, but he knows his husband is in great pain.

"I think I would've reacted a little bit better if I did not accidentally find out from a communications officer that can't keep her mouth shut, as opposed to my communications officer, who is really good at keeping her mouth shut, that they found Sam's body buried under my old house. Fuck you!" Spock finds the words slightly jarring.

Now he understands the pain that is radiating from James. Even though James' brother disappeared more than a decade previously, James always held out the illogical hope that his brother was alive somewhere. This revelation obviously has hurt his husband. It would also signify that he had no biological family left, unless you count uncles and aunts that Jim has never met in person.

"They remind me of mommy and Aunt Becky," David says in a soft voice as he clutches Mister Spock more closely. "They yelled a lot when they thought I was asleep. Aunt Becky never liked Mister Jonathan and wanted to leave, but mommy was afraid to." His words cause Spock to stop paying attention to the conversation outside. Spock's instinct is to wrap an arm around his son. His mother did this to him several times before he told her that such gestures of physical affection were illogical and culturally inappropriate.

At that moment, James walks into the room that they were setting up for David. For a moment it seems like he is going to begin a classic tirade against any number of individuals, but he stops himself when he sees David. Instead, he walks over to the sleeping area and sits down next to David and hugs him for a few minutes without saying anything.

"I am sorry I woke you up," Jim says after a moment, placing a kiss to David's temple.

"I'm just really mad at your aunt. Sometimes she's the bravest coward I know. She'll go toe to toe with your daddy when he's crack- having a very bad day because something very bad happened to him, but never ask her to talk about her feelings. She is absolutely terrified of emotional confrontations. Maybe that's why she is your dad's best friend," James quips.

"You should give her Mister bear," David says quietly and James smiles just a little.

"Actually, I think she needs her Doctor Bones, especially if we can finally get the two to play Doctor," James replies cheekily.

"I presume that is a double entendre of sorts," Spock says with a glare.

"Of course it is." Jim responds as he gives Spock a chaste kiss on the lips. "We have a two-year-old. That means no dirty words or using the fun stuff under the sink. Our s-e-x life is pretty much going to go to h-e-l-l. We are not going to be able to do more than this until we have Grandma Amanda around to babysit," James says, wrapping his fingers around Spock's in a discreet kiss. He can tell that James craves the physical comfort of his touch. Spock feels the same way after reading Carol's words. He just wants Jim.

"Well, if you didn't yell at me, I would offer my quality babysitting services so that you can find time for s-e-x. I did take care of my sister Ivy," Nyota says, walking into the room.

"I really don't want to see you now. Although, as soon as this mess is over with, I'm taking you up on the babysitting offer. I'm sure I will be less mad at you if I get to you know what," Nyota looks away at his angry words. "How did you get in here?" James asks with a resigned sigh.

"You haven't changed the code yet," she replies smugly.

"I'll try to do that when we're not dealing with- something that I can't talk about in front of my two-year-old," James finishes and if he were human Spock would smile at the fact that James referred to David as his son.

"I know you're mad at me, but Gaila just found something on planet that both of you need to look at now," Nyota starts ominously.

"Thanks to Margarita, I'm on leave. You're in charge. May I suggest you actually make a decision this time instead of waiting for someone to make that decision for you," he shoots back.

"Look, I'm sorry. I was going to tell you, you know that I was going to tell you. It just wasn't the best time," she says softly. "Look, we don't have time for this." Nyota places a PADD screen in front of James' face.

"What the fu-what is that?" James asks, barely catching his profanity.

In front of them are images of things that look very similar to caskets. However, there is a glass window and Spock can see a body inside. They remind Spock of an image of something he read in his history class about pre-warp space travel on earth. His instinct is to push David away from the screen, but his child has already seen the images. Worst of all, David does not seem surprised by the images. This tells Spock that whatever this was down there, David already knows. That worries Spock most of all. Actually, he is more worried because the incoherent part of Carol's letter to him was starting to become coherent. His instinctive response is to clutch Jim's hand harder.

June 20, 2258

Carol stood back at the edge of the reception hall, nursing another flute of apple cider as she tried to avoid her father. It was the only thing non-alcoholic and even though she just found out that the embryo re-implantation was successful two days earlier she wasn't going to risk anything that would damage her unborn child. Technically, she was six weeks pregnant, even if the implantation only occurred a week and a half ago. She knew the Admiral would be furious with her and would doubt her story about her and Rebecca wanting to start a family together. Of course, she didn't expect him to start yelling at her in the middle of the Starfleet function that he was making her attend.

He was already displeased that her relationship with Rebecca transitioned from tentatively reconnecting, once Christine forced her to tell her oldest friend the complete truth, to becoming lovers. Apparently, xenophobia and homophobia are two sides of the same coin. He hasn't been very happy with her since a low-level Starfleet medical personnel broke several regulations and told her father that her Vulcan boyfriend, who outside of fertility drugs should not be able to get her pregnant, (forget about the fact that they were both using contraceptives) managed to actually get her pregnant.

The fact that she is carrying another (from his perspective anyway) child of Vulcan ancestry threw him over the edge to the point where they were fighting at a commendation ceremony. That was why she chose that moment to tell him he was going to be a grandfather and there wasn't anything he could do to stop her this time.

Of course, it wasn't any commendation ceremony; it was a ceremony for her former lover's husband. Those words stuck in her throat. The first guy she ever loved who merely saw her as a science experiment and a means to study human sexuality was married and would be having a renewing of his vows later that day. She broke a glass when Christine told her about the wedding, because despite moving on it hurt her.

Rebecca and Christine tried to convince her that Spock was not who she thought he was, to the point that Christine actually tried to date him. (They fought for weeks about that.) Yet, she still believed Spock's father over the words of her friend and girlfriend. Vulcans do not lie. Of course, a voice in her mind told her that could not be the absolute truth, because either Spock was lying to her when they were together or Spock's father was lying to her when he told her "it is impossible for my son to have affection for you because he is engaged to a Vulcan of his station. Any interactions with you must be a means to satisfy his curiosity about the human species. Due to the low probability of my son actually being able to impregnate you I believe that this is merely a form of extortion and I doubt the viability of your claim."

Maybe a part of her believed that Spock was not as horrible as his father led her to believe. If she believed him entirely she would not be risking her father's wrath to bring her and Spock's child to term despite her desire to help the Vulcan people. Between her own guilt and the urging of a man who gave her the ability to save her child, the newly minted Adm. Jonathan Jackson, she was convinced that now was the best time to have the procedure done. Rebecca supported her entirely and felt like she should have done this as soon as she was safely in London, no longer under her father's direct control.

Jonathan was always supportive of her growing up and was more of a father to her then her own father. He was the one who nurtured her interest in the study of biology, unlike her father, who kept pushing her towards Physics and weapons design. She despised weapons. She was interested in the creation of life, not destroying it. When her father forced her to 'end' her pregnancy, she decided that she no longer wanted to spend the rest of her life doing something that she was going to hate just to make the man happy. The fact that her father forced her to transfer to the London Academy campus to keep her away from Spock made her even more willing to defy him. Jonathan supported this decision and helped her get set up. He was also the one who found her crying after the confrontation with her father and Spock's father when they gave her the ultimatum of terminating her pregnancy or risk Spock getting arrested and ruining his career. He was the one who presented her with a third option in this messy situation. So when the man asked her to consider going through with the pregnancy now, she said yes.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" The profane words had the effect of breaking her out of her morose thoughts. She vaguely recognized the woman from when Christine introduced her to her friend, a cadet Uhura or something, after a panel on women in science that Carol participated in last year. Later Christine told her that the young linguistics student was trying to date her former lover with disastrous results at the time. Apparently, the two were friends now, judging by her greeting.

The question was appropriate because, in all honesty, Carol did not know why she was there despite her father's wishes. Rebecca has always said that she was a masochist, especially because she keeps trying to get her father to love her when the man will always love his precious Starfleet more than her. Ironically enough, it was their mutual daddy issues that brought her and Spock together in the first place. They were both constantly trying to get the affection of two men that would never give them anything but cold indifference as they both constantly micromanaged their existence. Spock was free, but she wasn't. She was going to take great pains to make sure the child she was carrying would never feel like that. She wasn't sure how good of a parent she would be considering the man who raised her, but Rebecca will be a good mom. Together they can do this.

"I am a member of Starfleet and this event is open to all Starfleet personnel," she replied in a clipped tone. What she wanted to say was her father forced her to come to show her that the guy she almost threw everything away for (in her father's mind) was perfectly happy with someone else. She herself wasn't sure why she didn't run away completely after her fight with her father. She should. Why was she putting herself through this? Rebecca was right, she is a masochist.

"I wonder how long it's going to last?" Carol said with put upon bitterness as she pointed her glass at her former lover and his love. A painful voice in the back of her mind told her it would last a lot longer than what she and Spock had together. Her heart was breaking at that moment, but she would not show it. She kept a steady mask of indifference upon her face. It would do no good for Spock's friend to see how much being here was affecting her.

She would like to blame the pregnancy hormones for her urge to cry, throw up, or throw something, when in reality it was the sight of Spock looking lovingly at her replacement that made her ill. She knew of him because her friend Christine was in love with him despite his 'fuck anything that moves' reputation. Christine was mentally already planning for their wedding before he left her to chase after Spock. Apparently, he was much more successful than Christine because it was obvious that the man had Spock's heart and Spock had his as well. During the entire course of the relationship, Spock never looked at her with such reverence. Maybe Spock's father was right and he never really did love her because not once did Spock ever look at her like that. That thought made her go cold.

"For a very long time, unlike your relationship with Spock, Jim actually loves him and isn't using him for a cheap fuck or to satisfy some sort of alien sex fetish." She could see that was the truth by the way the guy looked back at Spock as his friend through the lie she told Rebecca back in her face. She always regretted that. She should have confronted him in person after the encounter with their fathers but she was too much of a coward to do so.

The words gave her pause because if Spock was only using her as his father argued, then why would Spock's friend be so angry at her? She was confused and she regretted her decision not to talk to him even more than before. If she did things differently, would this have been their wedding? She doubted it. Things would have been messy with their child being bounced between multiple countries and planets. She grew up like that and did not want it for her child.

"Jim actually sees how great Spock is. That is something you could never do."

She wanted to laugh at those words because she did see how great Spock was or at least she did before. Now she was wondering if her own observations were more important than what Spock's father told her. The Vulcan was never particularly close to Spock. Actually, during the time they were dating the two were not on speaking terms.

"You need to leave!"

Carol agreed with that statement completely. She shouldn't have come in the first place, even if her father was forcing her to be at this 'celebration'. This was a mistake.

"Your ex-boyfriend doesn't want you here. As his friend, I'm going to make sure you don't ruin this for him," the woman whispered angrily.

"Spock was never my boyfriend," she spat, trying not to show how much it pained her to say that. As she watched him with Jim, she knew he never loved her. Maybe he did care, but she's never going to know that now. What they had was supposed to stay casual, but it was never casual, even before he got her pregnant. She was such a fool at 15 trying to be a big girl. Her father called her a stupid genius and maybe he was right. At 23, she realized that all too well.

"Thank god for that. Finish your champagne and get the hell out of here. I have no trouble having security escort you out. I would do it myself but you're not worth my time," the woman said, as if she wanted to kick Carol's ass. That worried her. Reimplantation pregnancies were very precarious in the first few weeks, and even a simple fall could cause her to miscarry. She could not handle a physical altercation.

"It's not champagne. It's sparkling cider. I'm pregnant." She wasn't sure why she said this, but maybe it was her maternal instincts kicking in. She needed to protect her child and she doubted Spock's friend would physically attack a pregnant woman, even if she did not know that Carol was carrying her friend's child. "I'm just a few weeks along but alcohol is bad for the fetus." She took another drink of the cider as she watched the fire go out of the woman's eyes. Obviously, her assumption was correct and she would not have to worry about being attacked.

"I pity that child and the poor bastard who knocked you up. I hope he gets full custody."

Those words made her angrier than anything else. How dare this woman that she is only met once before judge her like this? She doesn't know Carol. She has no idea what she has been through and has no right to judge her.

"On the bright side, we know it's not Spock's because he hasn't touched your skinny ass in at least five years."

She wanted to laugh at the highly ironic words.

"Leave now!" Spock's angry friend demanded once more.

"You will be amazed what can be done these days with technology and a DNA sample," Carol said cryptically under her breath as she reluctantly placed her glass back on the table. Maybe a part of her wanted the woman to figure out that she was carrying Spock's child. She wanted Spock to confront her or at least talk to her again. Of course, she decided to go with a plausible lie instead of the improbable truth. Years later, she still did not completely understand how Spock managed to get her pregnant. It should been nearly impossible. He was a hybrid. Of course, as a scientist, she should know there are no such things as absolutes. Also as a scientist she was interested in how her little miracle happened. Despite how dreadful everything turned out, a part of her still saw it as a miracle. Rebecca definitely did.

"Is there a problem?"

Carol heard a voice that sounded familiar. For almost a moment, she swore she heard the familiar cadence of Spock but that couldn't be right. It sounded older. She turned around to see a man or rather a Vulcan standing in front of her. He looked a lot like Spock, but he was much older. He had to be a relative of some sort but he sounded so much like her Spock that it was unnerving.

"No trouble at all Elder. Dr. Marcus was just leaving." The lieutenant's voice was clipped.

"Just in case, I will escort Carol out of the facilities personally," the Vulcan said as he grabbed her arm forcefully. The touch was familiar, too familiar. He felt like her Spock.

"Wait, how do you know my name?" Carol asked as the Vulcan dragged her away. Did Spock talk about her with his relatives? Of course, a part of her brain was coming up with an even more ludicrous possibility. The Vulcan was too old to be her Spock but yet she couldn't shake this odd feeling.

But was it really that ludicrous? Her father was a very high ranking Admiral and he told her everything, despite their strained relationship. She knew the real origins of the individual who nearly destroyed Earth. Could the existence of an older version of her ex, who came from another dimension, be that outside the realm of possibilities?

"At my age, I know a lot of things. I'm well aware of what you did to my nephew." His tone was clipped and he was giving her the same expression that Spock used when he was upset at her. Really, she should never have lied. Rebecca was never going to let her hear the end of this. Why did she not have Rebecca come with her?

His words made her angry. This was another individual who only knew one side of the story and that side was a pure fabrication.

"Are you aware of what he did to me?" she asked bitterly as soon as they were out of the hall. "I was just some human girl that he wanted to fuck. I was merely some bloody experiment to satisfy his human curiosity."

The elder just gave her a puzzled look. She knows that she has seen that expression before.

"I know myse- nephew very well. He is not one for meaningless physical encounters and he would never purposely play with someone's emotions, as humans may say."

When he said that phrase, she knew that despite the improbability of it, this man was Spock. The fact that he almost said "myself" instead of "nephew" took away any of her remaining doubts. At that point, she pulled him into a nearby classroom that was often used for classified briefings and secured the room. There were some advantages of being the Admiral's daughter and getting into the room was one of them. Spock's "uncle" followed behind her.

"You're Spock!" she accused as soon as the room was secure.

"I am merely a relative of your former lover." He argued that without actually arguing. It was a very Spock thing to do.

"So, it's true, Vulcans can lie when necessary." She wanted to laugh bitterly at this revelation too many years too late. "You came through to this dimension just like Nero."

He said nothing to her and she took that as his way of confirming her suspicions.

"Were we together in the other dimension? Is that how you knew my Spock would never do to me what his father told me he did?" she asked, wanting to know the answer.

"We were acquainted in the other timeline, but we did not meet until much later in life," he responded, not looking at her, as if he was keeping something from her.

"You were already with him." She didn't even have to say who 'him' referred to because they both knew who she was talking about.

He didn't look at her and therefore she took that as another unspoken yes.

"I'm not surprised. Even if I wasn't just some experiment to my Spock, he never looked at me like that. I could never compete with their connection," she told him with a sad smile. "Maybe he wasn't lying when he said that I didn't mean anything to Spock."

"Who is this 'he' to whom you are referring?" this Spock asked her with confusion.

"Spock's father, or rather, your father. It's a long story and I doubt that you will believe me, anyway." Her words were tinged with anger. "Although, you should know the probability of you getting a woman pregnant via traditional sex is higher than you think," she remarked sarcastically. That's when he looked at her stomach.

"I was under the impression that my counterpart has not engaged in a physical relationship with you in some time. The child you are currently carrying cannot be his unless you resulted to unethical means such as those at which you hinted during your altercation with Nyota." Apparently, this Spock heard that part of the conversation before intervening.

"Forget this conversation happened. You are never going to believe my side of the story, nobody ever has," she said, trying to retreat as fast as possible, but he grabbed her wrist gently.

"I'm willing to listen, if you're willing to tell me," he told her, but she still was uncertain if she could trust him.

"That still does not guarantee that you will believe me," she told him, not making eye contact.

"There is a way you can tell me your side of the story without the ability to lie." She knew what this Spock was referring to; she did have a relationship with a version of the Vulcan for over a year.

"Okay." What did she have to lose at this point?

To be continued

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